


Tracks of Our Lives

by doremifasorashige



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety Disorder, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2018-10-25 14:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doremifasorashige/pseuds/doremifasorashige
Summary: Summer for Jongin and Sehun is supposed to be easy; piles of video games, sleeping until noon, not caring about homework. What summer turns out to be is long, hard and anxiety ridden and almost suffocating.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [werewings (pansypark)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pansypark/gifts).



> This fic is more friendship driven than pairing driven because the power of friendship is important.

Lazy summers are Jongin’s favorite. No homework, no teachers. He can stay up as late as he wants, play all the video games he can get his hands on, and hang out without the impending thought of homework that he _really_ should be doing.

“Summer is the best,” he sighs, crossing his ankles over the back of the couch. All the blood is rushing to his head as he hangs upside down, eyes glued to the TV while he and Sehun play video games in Sehun’s living room. He could care less though, even though it feels like his brain might start leaking out from his ears. “Ugh, brain matter,” he mumbles to himself.

Sehun doesn’t even question his mumblings to himself anymore. They’ve only been friends this past school year, but already Sehun gets him better than most other people. “I guess,” he shrugs before pausing the game and flipping so he’s sitting upright on the couch. Jongin cranes his neck just a bit to get a look at Sehun’s face that’s now a strong shade of red.

He shakes his head and closes his eyes, while the blood flows from his face. Jongin figures he probably do the same before he passes out or something.

“My brother comes home soon,” Sehun says once they start playing again. “Or it might be today, I’m not sure.”

Glancing out the corner of his eye, Jongin looks surprised. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

Sehun shrugs. “He goes to school in Canada. I forget sometimes.”

Before Jongin can say anything else, the front door opens and Sehun’s sigh is so loud. “What are you still doing in your underwear, Sehun?” his mother says exasperatedly. She smiles when she sees Jongin, “Oh hello Jongin.”

“Hi Mrs. Oh,” he waves sheepishly, shooting Sehun a look.

She keeps her smile on him for a moment before turning to look back at her son. “Why are you still here, go put on pants.”

Jongin can still hear Sehun’s grumbles as he goes up the stairs. He vaguely registers his mother asking if he’s staying for lunch when a very tall figure with blond hair and various piercings in his ears walks in with a bag over his shoulder. Jongin mumbles the affirmative while staring as the figure walks past him, headphones in his ears, lips moving to whatever he’s listening to before heading up the stairs.

He’s still staring in the place the other was still last at when Sehun comes back and flops next to him on the couch. “Dude,” he says when Jongin doesn’t turn back to their game. “What is wrong with you?”

“I just saw the most attractive person in my life.”

“Who? All I saw was Kris.”

Turning abruptly Jongin pierces Sehun with his gaze. “Your brother is the hottest piece of ass I have ever seen.”

Sehun’s face goes nearly green. “Firstly, ew. Secondly, he has no ass.”

Jongin rolls his eyes. It doesn't matter if he has an ass or not, that's not the only thing he's interested in. If Jongin's honest it's more of what's in front that he's curious about. Just a bit at least. He's been thinking about it more lately, about guys and stuff. He blames it on the recurring dreams he's been having, the ones about Sehun.

Shaking his head, Jongin dismisses that thought process. Now is not that time. Never would be better though.

"I'm allowed to admire an attractive face when I see one," he huffs, finally turning back to their game.

Sehun looks at him from the corner of his eyes, expression indifferent. That's been his default lately. Indifference, as if he doesn't care about anything anymore. Jongin wonders if it has something to do with him or if it's just a phase he's going through. He always did seem kind of indifferent to the world before they actually became friends, but now it's more... intense. It's as if that's all he knows now. "No one said you weren't, just remember your girlfriend."

He groans in response. "She won't let me forget." As if on cue his phone vibrates in his pocket, forcing Sehun to pause their game once more with an exasperated sigh. "She's been texting me constantly lately."

"Maybe she's psychic and knows about your unfaithful thoughts," Sehun muses, looking down at his nails before biting on a cuticle.

"Creepy," he shivers and types out a reply to her question of _where are you_. When Jongin started dating Krystal he didn't realize he was signing up for another person to supervise him at all times. "Would explain why she dyed her hair red."

Sehun scoffs, but it's more amused than put out. "Foreign porn again?"

He smirks in response. "Would it be anything else?"

With a shrug Sehun fiddles with his controller, thumbing at the pause button. "I don't know, maybe you like firecrackers. Krystal would know better than me apparently."

Another buzz of his phone and Jongin fights back the sigh. "Apparently; she says to stop talking about her."

Sehun gives a tiny shiver. "Your girlfriend is a witch or something. Better line my house with salt and get some hex bags."

"I'm sure she's three steps ahead of you."

\--

A cool burst of air greets Jongin when he opens the door, bell above his head dinging to signal a customer. “I have a problem,” Jongin says as he sits himself down next to Sehun in the local café, sliding down in his seat. “A serious problem.”

“Should we get you some vaseline?”

Jongin pushes his baseball cap up from his forehead. “How is that going to help me?”

Sehun stares blankly. “Right, up until last week you were straight.” He sighs deeply shaking his head. “I still don’t understand that one.”

“Can we focus?” he hisses, bringing the brim of his cap back down. “Krystal has been following me _everywhere_. I have no idea how to get five minutes to myself.” He bites his lip as he looks around the shop, almost certain that Krystal will pop up at any moment, demanding his attention or something. Jongin isn’t really sure what happened. Two weeks ago she was all he could think about is his free time, now he’s kind of over it. It sucks, but what sucks more is that she keeps texting him. “How do you break up with someone without coming off as a dick?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Sehun says. “Or have you forgotten the only person I fucked was you.”

Jongin hisses, they agreed not to talk about that. It’s not that he’s….put off or anything, by Sehun. He’s just... Not proud of that moment. Jongin will readily admit, to himself only, that he only had sex with Sehun because he was curious what it was like to have another dick against his.

His sisters talk about gay porn all the time so his brain wanted to know what it was like. “Don’t say that,” he mumbles. “Someone might hear you.” He regrets it after the words leave his mouth, nearly torn at the disappointed look at crosses Sehun’s face for a second before he schools his expression back into his default mode of “I Hate Everything.” “I didn’t mean that.”

Sehun only shrugs. “Forgotten.” There’s a soft buzzing sound from his own phone sitting on the table next to his bubble tea. “Krystal is asking me where you are.”

“Tell her I died, the funeral is next week.” He keeps flicking his eyes around the café, hoping, praying she doesn’t show up. “My favorite flower is carnations.”

Sehun’s in the middle of typing this all out when he looks up from his phone to glance at Jongin. “Isn’t she allergic to those?”

He smiles sheepishly and Sehun sighs once more. “Now she’ll just be able to find you in the afterlife. Or maybe you’ll be reincarnated together, in the same town and everything and she’ll find you one day and it’ll be like one of those attraction of the souls type things where she has no idea who you are but _knows who you are_ and declares her undying love for you, saying you were meant to be together for all eternity.”

Jongin blinks. “Why are we friends?” he asks after a pause.

“Because no one likes you aside from me. And Krystal, evidently.”

He whimpers and flops on the table, burying his face into the surface. “Maybe I should just give up on social interaction.”

“Let me shake my invisible pom poms and wish you all the luck in that.” He's being facetious, Jongin's pretty sure, but Sehun's tone is just a bit snippy, so he can't entirely tell.

The cafe is pretty empty, which Jongin is grateful for but at the same time hates. It would be easier for Krystal to spot him were she to come in, but he has a feeling she'd be less likely to look here. Sehun and Jongin don't usually stay long enough to hang out, even with Sehun's general dislike for the heat. Cafes are too loud for him, and play the wrong music. Jongin, on the other hand, enjoys it in turn to the dark cover of Sehun's room where they spend most of their time.

He stops hiding after a while, stealing some of Sehun's bubble tea and getting a kick in the shin in return. "Get your own."

"I'm poor," he whines.

Shrugging unsympathetically Sehun takes back his drink. "Should've thought of that before, huh?" He is the worst friend, Jongin thinks. Complete worst.

\--

Sehun does not look happy when he answers the door, all but glaring at Jongin with his hair standing in every direction. “Do you know what time it is,” he hisses, eyes narrowed. “Do you? Because I don’t think you do.”

“Krystal broke up with me,” Jongin whines.

“It’s ten in the morning; I don’t officially start caring until three pm.”

Jongin glances at his phone sadly. “But it’s noon.”

Sehun really does glare this time. “That’s still not three, so I still don’t care.” He starts to close the door on Jongin who shoves his way inside, grumbling all the while how terrible of a friend Sehun is. He’s pretty sure Sehun is pretending not to hear.

He doesn’t get to talk about it for the next two hours, sighing and sulking in the living room while Sehun sleeps the afternoon away on the couch, mouth open as he snores quietly, curled up in a ball in an attempt to fight off the cold air blowing out form the central air. He can’t even play video games because Sehun is laying on the only remote to the TV and Jongin doesn’t know how to work their system by the buttons on the tiny control panel.

So he sits.

And he sulks.

Sehun’s brother, Kris, comes down at one point, actually shivering, looking just as awake as Sehun had when he answered the door. “It’s fucking cold down here,” he mutters, walking over to the thermostat to adjust the temperature.

Jongin’s eyes follow him the entire time. He doesn’t even care how pathetic he looks right now, he feels about fifty times worse.

Kris glances at him out of the corner of his eye before walking over to the couch and shoving Sehun off of it. “Your friend is here.”

“Still?” Sehun moans and cracks his eyes open. “Fuck, Jongin. I thought you wanted to break up with her.”

He half wails half sobs. “Yes, me, break up with her. Not the other way around Sehun.”

Sehun scoffs and rolls onto his back before sitting up and shooting Jongin and unimpressed look. “What’s the difference? Her personality was _way_ too strong for you. I’m surprised she didn’t have you call her Noona.”

“I’m older than she is.”

“ _Exactly_.” He waves his hands in the air for emphasis. “Get over it. Move on and pine over Kris, as disgusting as that is.”

It’s Jongin’s turn to narrow his eyes. “Why are you so disgusted by that?” He’s got a pretty good guess to be honest, and it all goes back to Sehun easily agreeing to them fooling around together, but he’s not ready to think about that and what it means so he pushes the thought away. “It’s not like I’m going to do anything. I’m not gonna bone him or something.”

Sehun groans flopping back onto the floor. “I’m not awake enough for this conversation. I need sustenance before we talk about this.” He gets up off the floor and heads to the kitchen. Jongin watches as he pulls the bottoms of his sweatpants over his toes as he walks. He realizes now, that Sehun has on a long sleeve shirt as well. He doesn’t understand Sehun’s aversion to showing skin, but he doesn’t question it. It’s just something that’s totally him.

He makes them both breakfast (“It’s almost three, Sehun,” Jongin says. “First meal of the day. It’s breakfast,” Sehun replies.) and they sit in the living room, on the floor, watching some dumb reality show that Jongin felt like he was better off not knowing of its existence. A few times, he tries to bring up their earlier topic, but Sehun easily avoids it.

“If you say anything that refers to you having sex with my brother again I will lose my entire meal, all over you,” he warns. “I think I’ll aim for the face.” Jongin focuses his attention on the TV after that.

\--

While Jongin does spend a lot of his time at Sehun's, it takes approximately two weeks for him to see Kris again and learn his name isn't actually Kris. It's WuFan, or that's what their mother calls him. Jongin's curious about that one, where the whole Kris thing came from and stuff. He's not entirely sure, but he gets the feeling WuFan is Chinese or something, the shape of his face very different than Sehun's at first glance.

Everything is pretty much the same other wise, he hangs out with Sehun like usual, they play video games, hide from the sun. Jongin has his dance lessons twice a week, now in the afternoons since it's summer so he makes Sehun come along, and spends a significant amount of time teaching him all the dances he learns. A lot of the time Sehun complains.

"I'm not built to do this kind of physical activity," he says, but Jongin doesn't miss the focus on his face once he gets something down, or how quickly his body adjusts to the fast moves Jongin has taught him.

He likes this, being able to share these things with Sehun. It's like their friendship is something important and not superficial like all the other friendships he has and it's kind of a big deal to him.

Jongin doesn't have a conversation with just WuFan until the third week of summer when they somehow end up in the kitchen at Sehun's at the same time. Before then all he got was the loud thumping of WuFan's music from his room (shitty rap according to Sehun) and the minimal glimpses he got in the past week.

Up close, Jongin can see the practically smooth skin of WuFan's face and how his eyebrows are a soft golden blond just like his hair that's never styled for the most part, bangs flopping down in his face. He counts three piercings on WuFan's left ear and one on his right, and his right eyebrow looks partially shaved, making Jongin snort out loud.

WuFan looks up from where he's stirring a pot of ramyeon to glance at him. "Uh, Sehun's friend, right?"

Oh shit. "Yeah," he nods, voice weak. Jongin's not sure how long he's been standing there staring at him, but he can feel the heat ride in his face. "WuFan, right?" The name sounds weird coming from his own mouth, foreign on his tongue. It seems to amuse WuFan who only smirks.

"Yeah. You can call me Kris, if that's easier for you." He turns his gaze back to the pot to check on his noodles.

"What's the difference?" he blurts out, curiosity getting the better of him. "Why two names?"

WuFan looks back at him, expression a bit surprised. "Well, um, Kris is just something from high school. The guys. We had like, a band."

"Whoa, seriously?" Jongin takes a step closer, suddenly interested. His eyes are wide, and he feels more awake than he has all day. "What happened to that?"

WuFan laughs at his enthusiasm. "We sucked."

"Oh." Jongin glances down at his feet, embarrassed.

"The name stuck," he continues with a shrug. "My parents are from China, but my mom married Sehun's dad and they had Sehun. It's why we have different last names and stuff." WuFan glances at Jongin from the corner of his eye. "Only teachers and potential bosses call me by my full name though, it's always WuFan or Kris."

Jongin tilts his head, pressing a finger to his bottom lip. "Huh," he says. "I can see it, kinda." They have different features but Sehun and WuFan both have somewhat long faces with interesting profiles. He stands by the whole quick glance they don't look alike, but if you stare long enough he can see minor similarities.

He stares for a few more seconds before getting the drink he had originally come down for before being distracted by WuFan.

"Did you make the juice yourself," Sehun says when he finally returns. He doesn't wait for an answer though, shoving the controller back into Jongin's hands so they can get on with their game. "If I was a dick I would've killed you while you were gone. Not everyone is nice like me."

\--

If Jongin's honest with himself, and he almost always is, sometimes he sits in his room, door closed and locked. He's sprawled out on his bed wearing completely nothing. He stares at his dick, simply laying between his legs.

While he lays there he thinks about a lot of things. He'll think about Krystal and her smooth legs, he'll think about random girls he's seen in porn, he'll think about those guys his sisters talk about in those bands they like.

Sometimes, now Jongin will think about WuFan, and his broad shoulders. He wonders what they'd feel like under his hands, how warm WuFan's skin is. He asks himself, does WuFan have tan lines? Because it's very obvious Sehun is the only one with basically skin that's allergic to the sun in their family, staying as pale as a newborn baby throughout the entire year while WuFan, while although pretty pale himself, holds a darker tone in this summer sun than Sehun could ever possibly dream of.

Finally, Jongin thinks of Sehun, wrapping his hand around his now hardening cock. He thinks about Sehun's shapely thighs, and his little curve of an ass that it's more perfect than any girl's he's seen. He moves his hand along the shaft as he thinks back to when they were in Sehun's room, pressed together, skin on skin. It doesn't do much though. If anything, Jongin finds himself going soft at the thought of it.

He lets out a tiny sound of frustration and jerks himself off fast, trying so hard to get off to the images behind his head, the ones that are real and not just a figment of his imagination. He remembers the feel of Sehun's dick in his own hand, thick and warm, skin smooth under the coarse hair. It doesn't help and soon he's completely soft once more, skin just barely damp with sweat and a headache forming in the back of his head.

Jongin’s not sure what he’s more ashamed of as he boots up his laptop and goes on one of the many porn sites he got from Taemin. He watches as Russian women with large breasts kiss and hug each other, pressing fingers between each others legs, moaning sexily.

It’s not that Jongin doesn’t like Sehun, because Sehun is probably the best friend he’s ever had. There’s just an odd feeling he can’t shake ever since that day. Sometimes he has a hard time looking Sehun in the eye, as expressionless as he can be sometimes. He feels as if the other can see right into his thoughts and know that whatever it was they shared was kind of meaningless to Jongin. The entire time they were pressed together, hands on each other, panting into skin, Jongin was thinking about Krystal.

About her legs.

About her chest.

About the way she laughs, showing off all her teeth.

Well, maybe not that last one.

He didn’t think about the warm, hard press of Sehun under him, rutting against his thigh, breathing into his neck.

It’s been months, and Jongin can tell that Sehun’s getting a little tired of this “Don’t bring _It_ up” nonsense. He just doesn’t know how to tell his _best friend_ that he was just using him to get off, just another body.

Jongin’s worried that something would change between them and what Sehun doesn’t know is that Jongin needs Sehun just as much as Sehun needs him.

He knows that realistically he should talk to Sehun, that they should figure out where they stand now, if there's no hard feelings. But this is where Jongin's thoughts dive into dark regions that he's scared to explore. What if Sehun has a thing for him? While it doesn't bother Jongin if Sehun likes guys, or even Jongin himself mostly, he's just more worried about it ruining their friendship. He's not sure if he could survive without Sehun as a friend anymore.

\--

Jongin’s walking down the hall from Sehun’s room, bleary eyed and hungry. His tank top is hanging off his shoulder and he’s been over Sehun’s house so many times in the past school year, slept over so many times, that he’s perfectly comfortable walking around in his boxers. It’s probably bad manners or something, but no one says anything about it, and Jongin sleeps over enough that sometimes it feels as if he lives there as well.

It's only in the recent weeks that he's felt off kilter some days. Before when they used to sleep at each other's houses sharing a single bed was no issue. Jongin found comfort in the warm, long body pressed against his own. He would have to venture a guess that Sehun would be the equivalent to a security blanket. He feels at ease around the other on most occasions and doesn't see the need to pretend to be something he's not. And while that hasn't changed since The Incident he doesn't feel the normal ease that he used to around Sehun.

Even now as he slowly makes his way to his feet and out into the hall, Jongin feels an odd churn in the pit of his stomach, though that could just be hunger.

He’s just reached the landing, hand on the banister and foot hovering over the top step when he hears it. This _wail_ of sorts that makes his eyes go wide and his heart about ready to jump put his chest and run away because _holy shit, what is that_. He looks around to find himself alone, which isn’t unusual since he’s considered family.

Sehun wasn’t in the room when Jongin woke up, and now, as he casts a glance to the closed bathroom door, with the undeniable sound of the shower running, Jongin’s pretty sure he knows that the hell that sound is.

Suppressing his laughter, Jongin makes his way downstairs to attend to his growling stomach.

“There was a dying cat in your shower,” Jongin says around mouthfuls of cereal when Sehun comes down the stairs. “I was beginning to worry that you were drowning.”

“What?” Sehun’s eyes are barely open as he squints against the brightness of the room, sun reflecting off of every surface possible. He sits himself at the table across from Jongin, dragging the box of cereal to fill his own bowl as WuFan comes down the stairs, hair dripping and pushed back from his face.

Jongin stares as he makes his way to the coffee pot, ruffling Sehun’s pink hair as he passes. He doesn’t miss the dark ink of tattoos on WuFan’s skin, eyes glued to him while he tries to feed himself.

“Ew,” Sehun says, more like rasps in his sleep filled voice. “You’re drooling. And missing. Jongin!”

“Huh?” He tears his eyes away from WuFan’s back, and making a sucking sound in attempt to get any drool. He looks down at the table to see some of his Fruit loops spilled on the surface. “Sorry.”

“That’s so gross.” Jongin’s not really sure if Sehun means his drooling or the fact he’s once again staring at WuFan, but he’s too busy actually _staring at WuFan_ to care. He realizes, in the back of his mind, that this might be a problem, but it's too early to further investigate that. “What’s this about a dying cat?” he asks eventually, just as WuFan’s turning around and heading to leave the kitchen.

He stop short and chokes on his coffee, spraying it everywhere.

With a shrug Jongin looks back at his nearly empty bowl. “I could’ve sworn it was you singing in the shower, terribly off-key, belting out lyrics in English. I didn’t know you were a Kesha fanboy.”

Sehun begins to howl with laughter, slapping his hand against the table. “Hyung!” he yells and turns around in his chair to look at WuFan. “Did you have a nice shower concert?” He gets up from his chair and goes to pat WuFan’s back. “What song was it today? Did you sing “just show me where your dick’s at”?”

WuFan just glares at him, now having better control over his breathing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He shoves Sehun back toward his chair albeit roughly and it scrapes across the floor. Sehun doesn’t seem to care though as he still howls with laughter while WuFan leaves the room.

“Um,” Jongin says as Sehun tries to calm down.

“Kris,” he says between the last few giggles. “Is _in love_ with Kesha, and just rap in general. It’s embarrassing, and hilarious. He thinks he can rap as well.”

Jongin forms a small ‘o’ with his mouth and nods. He wasn’t expecting that, even if Sehun and WuFan are completely different. Still, this is the biggest smile Jongin has seen on Sehun’s face in weeks so he’s got no complaints.

 

 

\--

 

 

Sehun stands under the overhang of their backyard, baseball cap pulled low on his head and his hands stuffed in his shorts pockets. Even after having dealt with WuFan for his entire life, Sehun still can't help but be annoyed at the turn of events. It never fails that WuFan has to throw a party over the summer, loud, obnoxious rap music blasting from the speakers that Jongdae and Minseok had set up earlier. They’re set close to the house, which means the music is right in Sehun’s ear, but he doesn’t want to wander further out into the yard.

There are people out there. And the sun. He also kind of wants to rip down that “Welcome Home Kris!!” banner Zitao put up. It's large and a very offensive shade of neon green that makes Sehun want to claw his eyes out every time he looks in that general direction.

“Oh my god,” Jongin says, draping himself over Sehun’s back, pulling his back from his thoughts of blood and murder. He wonders how upset his parents would be if there were blood stairs around the pool. “Can he put some clothes on? Please?”

Sehun shrugs him off. “I don’t know,” he grumbles. “Why don’t you go ask him and stop hiding your boner behind me?” He doesn’t mean to be rude, or snarky, it’s just that all Jongin has talked about in the last week has been less than pleasant as Sehun watched Jongin drool on nearly every surface when WuFan was in the room. Jongin keeps saying it's not going to last but there's a weird nagging feeling in the back of his mind that tells him otherwise. He’s actually had to force himself a handful of times to not yell at his own brother. To not say, “I wish you had stayed in Canada”.

It’s not that Sehun doesn’t love WuFan or anything it’s just _weird_. He’s never seen someone as obsessed with WuFan. (And those idolizing years do not count. You’re supposed to do those things.)

Sehun is loath to admit that he might be, just a tiny bit jealous. He hasn’t been friends with Jongin for a long time yet, but if he’s being honest with himself he hasn’t had a better friend than Jongin in his entire life. That leads to a whole other series of thoughts though. He’s pretty sure this is what you call having a crush on someone, but Sehun doesn’t have a lot of experience in that field.

“I can’t go up to him,” Jongin says, face pressed into Sehun’s neck once again. “I’ll turn to putty or something. From the heat of course. Not because he doesn’t have a shirt on or anything—why does he not have a shirt on? This is torment. Do you see those tattoos, Sehun?” He groans and wraps his arms around Sehun’s waist.

“Whoa!” Sehun shoves him back a bit. “Don’t put that thing anywhere near my ass.” He can feel the slight flush on his face. It’s probably obvious too. Unlike WuFan, Sehun is pale as a ghost three hundred and sixty-five days a year no matter what. He’s learned that the hard way. Sun light and UV rays are the enemy. “Go take care of it or something.”

Jongin stares at him for a long moment. “You want me to jack off in your house?”

“If you’re going to bring it up, no.”

“Help me take care of it?” Jongin says mockingly, a playful smile on his face, pressing himself against Sehun again. “Please, Sehunnie?”

Sehun nearly chokes as he tries to push Jongin away, backing up until he’s in the direct sun light and tripping over someone. “I’m not going to help you jerk off,” he says as if they talk about this every day, which they kind of do, but _still_.

“But Sehun,” Jongin whines, making it sound as if he’s extremely put out.

A voice clears from behind Sehun and he nearly jumps out of his own skin. Jongin’s grin is still in place even after Sehun turns around to see who’s behind him. “I don’t want to get in between you and your boyfriend,” comes the undeniably deep voice that Sehun would not, in a million years, put to that face. “But I kind of need to.”

“No,” Sehun squeaks.

“But I wanted a beer,” the other says sheepishly, looking at the cooler that is on the other side of where Jongin and Sehun are fooling around.

“I mean—“ He stares for a long second before shoving Jongin once more and stalking off, terribly embarrassed.

Jongin follows after a bit, telling Sehun to not just _leave him behind like that_. They spend the rest of the afternoon held up in Sehun’s room even though Jongin keeps shooting looks out his window to the party.

A few times Sehun tells him to go have fun, but Jongin doesn’t and they sit together playing video games on Sehun’s laptop. He doesn't say it out loud, but Sehun is secretly grateful to have Jongin as a friend who willing gives up something he wants to do for the sake of your best friend's comfort. If it wasn't totally weird he'd probably kiss him.

\--

Sehun stares at his reflection in the mirror, running a hand through his bangs, fluffing them up then combining them down. Through the small speakers he has connected to his iPod he plays something loud, with lots of guitar riffs and screaming. He can hear WuFan making a comment already. “Can you turn your emo down?” he’ll probably say. “Some of us are trying to sleep.”

He hates it when WuFan comments on his music. Because raunchy rap is so much better.

“What the fuck is on your head,” he asks instead when he comes into the bathroom, stepping behind Sehun and heading to the toilet to take a piss.

Sehun groans. “Really? You can’t wait?”

“I can do it on your bed if you’d like,” WuFan says, eyes closed as if he’s thoroughly enjoying releasing his bodily liquids.

“By all means, take the bathroom.” He gathers his iPod and speakers, and takes one last look in the mirror, adjusting the beanie he pulled on before heading out, ignoring WuFan’s earlier question.

He hates summer, he hates the sun, and the heat. Sehun is perfectly okay with being in school just so he can have an excuse to wear more than one layer, or at least sleeves, and not look like a freak. He feels too exposed in the loose fitting tank top and baggy shorts as he walks to Jongin’s house. The sun is hot on his skin, making Sehun walk at a faster pace than usual, in that much a rush to get back in the shade.

There are various eyes on Sehun as he walks down the street, eyes that wouldn’t normally be on him. He’s torn between being proud for his recent attention and wanting to crawl out of his own skin. He wishes he had on more layers.

“Did a unicorn jizz on your head?” Jongin asks when he lets Sehun in. There’s a smile on his face so Sehun knows it a joke. He’s pretty sure he’d pick up on the joke even if he wasn’t smiling though. Jongin’s a bit weird, so he’s glad he doesn’t have to worry about that.

“Yeah,” Sehun says. “Because I totally spent my morning jerking off a unicorn. It’s the only living creature with a dick bigger than my own.”

He shakes his head, the recently dyed locks flopping about as he does so. Sehun’s still not used it. The bright color in contrast to Jongin’s tan skin. “More than I needed to know.”

The settle down in Jongin’s room, controllers in hand and thighs pressed together. Jongin doesn’t even have pants on. It’s as if he’s allergic to clothing in the summertime, nothing but sleeveless shirts with low necks and shorts (some that Sehun thinks are probably a size too small).

He bites his bottom lip at the start the game, forcing himself not to say “You know what it looks like, don’t act like you don’t,” because that was four months ago and they sort of agreed never to bring it up again. Sehun still doesn’t know why. He’s more worried about why he keeps thinking about it.

It wasn’t Sehun’s idea for them to have sex. Well, it was, but he didn’t bring it up. Jongin verbally suggested it. Before then he was perfectly okay with his awkwardly vivid dreams of what it would be like to sleep with Jongin. In a completely non-platonic way. They’ve shared a bed more than once, and quite frequently.

Or they _did_.

Looking back, Sehun regrets his decision now. It’s not as if tab A was placed into slot C. Or would it be B since they’re guys. But then which one is slot A?

Whatever. He realizes, now, that rutting against each other and mutual hand jobs was a bad move. The closest Jongin’s gotten to him in the last couple months was WuFan’s pool party last week, with a raging hard-on no less.

“You’re quiet,” Jongin comments after what feels like hours. Sehun’s usually pretty quiet, but not when it's the two of them. “What’s up?”

He shrugs. “Nothing.” Everything? The possibility of the world ending? He’d be okay with that one actually, as long as it happened sooner rather than later. “I’m thinking about that guy from Kris’ party.”

“Uh,” he hesitates. “There was a lot of them. But I kind of don’t remember anything past--”

“Kris’ tattoos, yeah. I know.” He sighs as if he’s put out. “The one that, uh, found us in the awkward position.”

“Oh! Tall, deep, and lanky.”

Sehun pauses their game, he was losing anyway, and looks at Jongin blankly. “Sure?”

“What about him?”

Oh, right. He needs a reason, Sehun forgot that part. He didn’t think his lie through. “No reason, really.”

Jongin snorts. “So you think he’s hot.”

Sehun pictures the face of “tall, deep, and lanky” in his mind and forces himself not to shiver. No, is on the tip of his tongue, along with a dozen reasons why he does not think this friend of WuFan’s is hot, but he swallows them down, trying to forget the large ears that were sticking out. “Sure,” he says, hating the way the lie tastes in the back of his mouth. It’s hard lying to Jongin.

“Cool,” he gives Sehun a reassuring smile that makes his stomach do this nasty flip. He thinks he’s going to puke. “Are you going to hang out?” Sehun nods, not trusting himself to speak. “Let me know how it goes.” Oh, no he really needs to go through with this. He doesn’t even know the guy’s name.

“Real talk,” Sehun says the moment he sits across from WuFan’s friend the next afternoon," I have no fucking clue who you are."

Tall-deep-and-lanky (Sehun really needs to know this kid’s name, because the more he says that the more he feels like he’s in a bad porno) just laughs good naturedly. “That’s cool,” he says, like everyone just fucking asks to hang out with him. Maybe they do, Sehun doesn’t know. “I’m Chanyeol, you’re Kris’ brother, right? Sehun.”

“Yeah,” Sehun nods and sits back in his seat. He figures twenty or so minutes of this will be good, then he can bail and tell Jongin that it was a shit idea and he isn’t going to do it again. “Well, half brother.” He makes a face. “Same mom, different dad.”

Chanyeol nods as if that’s the most interesting thing on the planet. “That’s cool. I have a sister. Being the little sibling is tough.”

He looks the other up and down, taking in his folded form. “Little?”

“Er,” Chanyeol laughs weakly. “Younger? Noona is shorter but we look a lot alike.”

Sehun feels bad for Chanyeol’s sister and hopes that they don’t have the same ears. He wonders if those things get reception. Or move on their own even. He almost asks, but figures that would be rude, and while Sehun has no intention of seeing Chanyeol ever again, he’d rather keep things easy for if they ever do end up in the same room.

There’s a lull in conversation and Sehun plays with the wrapper from his straw, drink long since empty. He regrets drinking it all because now he has to pee but the idea of using the bathroom in the McDonalds he and Chanyeol are sitting in makes him rather cop a squat by a bush. He glances up once, when there’s a sudden burst of cold air over him. He shivers. Chanyeol would sit under the fucking vent, he looks like the type.

“What’s with the hair?” Chanyeol asks.

He looks back across the table and blinks slowly.

“You look like--”

Sehun narrows his eyes. “If you say ‘like a unicorn jizzed on your head’ I might break your leg.”

“What?” Chanyeol slides his chair back a bit, startled. “No! I was going to say like a snowcone.” That’s not much better, but Sehun would rather be associated with a sweet summer treat than a fairytale creature’s come. “Or is there some meaning behind it?”

“No?” He self-consciously tugs at a strand of blue hair. “I just did it.”

Chanyeol tilts his head to the side, soft brown hair following the movement across his forehead. His ears don’t stick out as much, Sehun has to admit, with his hair not slicked back. But they’re still pretty noticeable. “Huh,” he says finally. “I like it.”

There’s a defensive retort on the tip of Sehun’s tongue but it dies away quickly. “Yeah?” He lets his hand fall back to the table and he shakes his head, making his hair fan out to show off all the colors. Of all the comments he’s gotten so far, this is the only positive one, and while Sehun wasn’t even doing it for the attention (because he wasn’t, pft no) it still makes him...

Pleased.

 

 

\--

 

 

Jongin opens the front door cautiously, even though he's been doing this for months now he doesn't feel comfortable just entering someone's house. “Hello?” he calls out even though it’s evident no one is downstairs. From another part of the house, Jongin can hear the loud thump of music. The words are muffled but he follows it anyway since Sehun told him it was okay to come inside.

He finds the source of the music easily, and knocks one the ajar bedroom door it’s coming from which sends it to fall open a little more, revealing WuFan sitting on his bed mouthing words to some song in English. He doesn’t seem to notice Jongin at first, bouncing on his bed as he sings out the words.

Jongin isn’t entirely sure what he’s saying, English isn’t his forte, but he is able to pick out what he says when the beat stops.

“ _I’m sexy and I know it_.” WuFan looks up just as he says it, eyes locking with Jongin’s and he’s torn between laughing obnoxiously like a hyena and kissing him.

He settles for smirking as he quirks an eyebrow. “At least you know it,” Jongin says easily.

WuFan clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from him and looking down at the soft plush that sits in the middle of his bed, acting as if he wasn’t singing to it ten seconds ago. “Um, Sehun’s not home.” He reaches over to his nightstand to fiddle with his iPod, turning the volume down.

“Yeah, he told me I could just come inside anyway.” He walks in the room and sits at the end of the bed. “I heard the music from downstairs.” Jongin motions for WuFan’s iPod. “Is all you listen to filthy rap?"

WuFan huffs indignantly as he hands it over. “No.”

Jongin only raises an eyebrow at that and scrolls through his list of songs. “ _Pretty Boy Swag_?” he asks incredulously, nearly choking on his own laugh. “Is this code for something?”

“No?”

“Oh my god,” he shakes his head and keeps scrolling. “I need to educate you on all the other genres in the world,” he decides. “This is sad. I hope you like mixtapes.”

WuFan scowls for a second. “But I don’t have a stereo here.”

Still shaking his head Jongin just sighs. “I’ll give you my old one. Just,” he sighs again but otherwise doesn’t finish his sentence when he hands back WuFan’s iPod.

That’s what he said, three days ago, but now as Jongin stares at his computer, iTunes open, he’s not entirely sure what to do. It’s not that he’s hard up for songs to pick, Jongin has more than enough music on his laptop to keep him entertained for a good week. Maybe longer. But as he scrolls, and scrolls, and scrolls, he can’t seem to find anything that he’d want to use.

Jongin said mixtape, but in all honestly it’s going to be a CD, he even made sure the CD player on his old stereo worked. He’s grateful that it does, but that thing has seen much better days and he doubts it’ll last very long.

Now that he thinks about it, most of Jongin’s music is stuff good for dancing. He’s got a huge selection of R&B that he likes to use for warming up when he’s practicing on his own. There’s also the heavier dance tunes, with more beats and faster tempos. Things he sometimes hears on the radio, or in the dance studio. If he tries hard enough, Jongin is sure he could dance to anything, but that’s kind of beside the point.

In the end he makes a CD-mixtape, whatever the hell you call it, for WuFan consisting of twelve songs. (“It’s kind of short,” he admits sheepishly when he hands it over to WuFan, “but I didn’t want to overwhelm you with them or anything.” He is not blushing, he really isn’t.) He can’t really be bothered to make it look fancy, like some people do, just writing on the the CD in black sharpie “R&B mix 1”. And if that isn’t the lamest thing he’s ever thought of.

Sehun calls him a total girl when he finds out about it, saying he has it _so bad_ for WuFan. But it’s really not that bad. It’s just a little thing. WuFan is hot, has a nice body, and is a college kid. Jongin assures him that’s all there is to it.

“I bet in like, two weeks I’ll get bored of it and just see your brother like a brother,” he says, smiling. Sehun looks a little relieved at that. He doesn’t know why he was so worried. Sehun’s probably under the impression that Jongin’s going to replace him, which no, of course not. That’s the dickest of dick moves. He kind of wishes he could express how important Sehun is to him better, but he’s still a little jilted from their whole fooling around thing. In time he’ll get over it, but until then Jongin tries to reassure him with smiles and the occasional hug and ignores the way Sehun returns his hugs stiffly.

\--

Clubs are neither Jongin nor Sehun's scene, but Sehun knows exactly what he's doing when they get to the door, telling him to just play it cool and follow his lead. Sehun says it's because when your older brother has friends who like to party you become accustomed to these things regardless of whether you want to or not.

Following Sehun through the dark club and heading to the bar is like a freaking mission. There are people everywhere, warm bodies dancing, pushed up together, and Jongin has to hold on to Sehun’s wrist to keep from getting separated. This is the most physical contact he’s initiated since WuFan’s party and Jongin tries really hard to ignore the way Sehun jumps at the contact.

They’re not exactly legal to drink yet, but Jongin’s pretty sure they can get away with ordering drinks since they haven’t shaved in the past couple days. And if the way Sehun carries himself is any indication, being asked if they're twenty isn't going to arise. It's weird seeing Sehun in a club setting, putting on this whole new air of confidence that is 100% Sehun but at the same time a completely different person. If Jongin were attracted to him in the least, he might find this a little hot. Instead he finds himself unnerved by it all and turning away from the bar and Sehun to the rest of the club.

Eyes scanning the crowd, Jongin looks for the sole reason why he dragged Sehun here.

The club is packed, people pressed together, and Jongin strains his eyes for a bit trying to find the familiar fluff of blonde hair. He looks around for a while, idly sipping his drink before he sees it over the tops of everyone else’s head. Through the speakers plays something that Jongin isn’t entirely familiar with, but he can totally get into.

Across the room he, through a small opening of people, sees Sehun’s brother, WuFan dancing and it causes him to choke on his drink.

“What is he doing,” he rasps, trying to cough the liquid out of his lungs.

Sehun looks up from his own drink and to the dance floor before snorting. “He calls that _dancing_.”

“Oh god,” Jongin says. His eyes never leave WuFan as he bobs his head to the music, twisting his body like he thinks it’s nobody’s business. “He’s so bad.”

“I know,” Sehun says, and his voice sounds so smug. “It’s great isn’t it? Are you still i--”

A hand blocks Jongin’s vision and he regretfully tears his eyes away from the dance floor. “Your brother is so hot,” he breathes out.

With a groan Sehun lets his head fall back. “He’s embarrassing. I’m the more attractive one,” he says. “He’s a dweeb. Stop this.”

Jongin’s gaze is back on the dance floor, watching as WuFan dances to Kesha, mouthing out the words. “You’re just jealous that I’d rather fuck your brother than you.”

“There was just some puke in my mouth, just a bit.”

Jongin’s not listening though, trying hard not to go over there and join him on the floor, dancing against WuFan. He remembers the pool party, and the outline of his dick through his swimming trunks. The thought of that pressing against his ass, even through the thick denim of their jeans nearly has Jongin groaning. He bites his lip to keep the sound from coming out, not wanting Sehun to hear it.

They’re pressed shoulder to shoulder, Sehun leaning a bit of his weight on Jongin. He’s a bit taller now, the asshole, and Jongin finds it a bit difficult to keep his focus on WuFan and his terrible, yet oddly attractive dancing with Sehun’s warmth pressing into him. He could say something, push Sehun away, saying it’s too hot and he’d like what personal space he can get, but he doesn’t. Sehun’s been a bit testy lately, for whatever reason it may be, and the way he jumps at the slightest contact makes Jongin hold is tongue.

“How did that thing with tall-deep-and-lanky go?” he asks, voice loud over the music. His eyes are still on WuFan but he forces himself to give all his attention to Sehun.

Sehun groans and slips puts his drink on the bar. “He was...weird. I probably won’t talk to him again.”

Jongin tears his eyes away from the dance floor and gives him a pitying look. “That sucks, guess that’s what happens when you try to mingle with WuFan’s friends, huh?”

Making a face at the name, Sehun turns away, looking at the dance floor. “Jongdae-hyung is cool, though he’s as bad of a dancer as Kris. Then there’s...Junmyeon-hyung, but he can’t dance either, he’s also like super rich and it makes me uncomfortable. His hobby is _golf_.”

“Golf isn’t so bad,” Jongin says easily. He thinks about that for a moment before snorting. “Okay, yeah it is. Maybe you’re just doomed to be surrounded by weird people. Excluding me, I’m pretty awesome.”

He scoffs and shoves at Jongin, putting some distance between them. Jongin is both grateful and annoyed by this. “Come back to me when you get over your massive Kris Krush.”

“Did you just say Krush with a k?”

“Maybe, why?”

Jongin sighs deeply before downing his drink. “No wonder you’re surrounded by losers.” Sehun punches him in the shoulder hard but doesn't say anything else. Jongin considers this a win.

 

 

\--

 

 

Why do you get everything, Sehun wants to ask as he watches Jongin drool once again. He knows for a fact that WuFan is in the room, and his annoying voice has nothing to do with it, even though he’s talking on the phone to Zitao at the moment, pacing the room in long strides. From the expression on Jongin’s face, Sehun’s going to guess that WuFan doesn’t have a shirt on. He only gets that glazed over look when he gets a full view of WuFan’s chest and his tattoos.

It never occurred to Sehun before the summer break to worry about Jongin having a thing for his brother. It was painfully obvious that Jongin was straight, add to the fact he is, or was, dating Krystal. He just figured that Jongin would feel the same way about WuFan as he does. That the guy is a total loser.

Clearly he was disillusioned.

It’s very rare that Sehun feels like he’s starved for attention, and that has little to do with Jongin because Jongin can be busy at times. They’re in different classes, Jongin takes dance lessons, and not to mention Krystal. Well, at least she’s not in the picture anymore. Sehun refuses to let Jongin live it down and constantly points out that she monopolized all of his free time.

This is different though.

He feels invisible. But in a different way than he usually does. This is never a good thing. While Sehun makes a point to not be noticed for the most part, not seeking the attention of others and being _blatantly ignored_ in his own house are two different things.

He’ll probably end up doing something stupid again. Like smoking. Or getting his dick pierced.

Jongin’s still drooling when Sehun looks up from his breakfast and he turns to glare at WuFan’s pacing figure. “Can you put on a goddamn shirt and go somewhere else?”

WuFan pauses in his conversation and turns to stare at Sehun. “Since when have you been up?” he asks after a second.

He doesn’t scream, really, he doesn’t. But he does, however stand from the table very calmly and walk out the house. He’d rather take his chances with the evil thing call sunlight and heat than be invisible.

Sehun’s not really sure where he’s going to go once he starts walking, but he figures his feet know so he lets them lead him in whatever direction they want to go. He’s not too concerned about it, keeping his eyes cast down to avoid the sun glaring off any shiny surfaces and trying to blind him. The last thing he needs on top of everything else is being blind, if even only temporarily.

“Hey!” A voice calls out, loud and deep and it makes Sehun start, looking up from the pavement beneath his feet to look around him. Behind him, he sees Chanyeol bounding up with a smile and a wave. “You’re Kris’ brother. Uh, Sehun, right?”

He stares at the man before him blankly before letting out a long sarcastic laugh because it fucking figures. Of all the days, and of all the people, he would run into this lanky fool.

Chanyeol raises and eyebrow. “You okay?”

Sehun’s still laughing, shaking his head. “No, I’m not okay,” he says between giggles. “Not at all, because my best friend has the biggest fucking boner over my brother in existence which wouldn’t even be a problem except for the fact that Kris gets _everything_ in the goddamn world. And I mean everything, while I get jack. And it makes me feel like I’m transparent, not even. As if they can’t even see me!” He’s gone from hysterical laughter to nearly shouting at Chanyeol in the street. “And then I see you, to top it all off, when I go to get away from it.”

He stares at Sehun for a long minute before clapping him on the shoulder. Sehun lasts all of three second before jerking away as Chanyeol says, “Dude, you need to chill out.” He’s got that, what would be infectious, grin on his face that only serves to annoy Sehun even more. “You’re like, sixteen? Just relax and smell the roses or some shit.”

If not for the fact that Sehun has never been in a fist fight outside of WuFan and Jongin respectively, he’d punch Chanyeol in the face. “I don’t think you understand.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets Chanyeol rocks on the balls of his feet. “No, I do, you’re the younger sibling and it’s hard, but you just gotta live life and deal with it.”

And god, if that doesn’t piss Sehun off even more, being lectured by this person, who is barely older than he is on how he should feel. He doesn’t know anything. “This is a waste of time,” Sehun huffs, ready to be done of this conversation. It was stupid to lose his shit to one of WuFan’s friends. The guy probably thinks he’s some immature high school brat that’s on one of those angst trips in their life. (Sehun is not, thank you very much, he’s always been this angry.)

Chanyeol looks at him for a moment, copper hair falling into his face before he says, “Wait here a moment,” and runs back up the street and into a convenience store. When he returns, he throws an arm around Sehun’s shoulder. “You’re too wound up,” he says and Sehun really is about to punch him in the face when he adds, “but that’s okay, a beer should help you chill out.”

He leads Sehun back to home and they slip in the backyard and up into WuFan and Sehun’s old tree house from when they were kids, sipping on their slowly warming beers.

It’s weird, hanging out with one of his brother’s friends. He hasn’t done this in god knows how long but it’s not as off putting as he would have though, even if it’s probably bad judgement on Chanyeol’s part to be giving a minor beer.

“I’m eighteen,” he says once he’s opened his third.

Chanyeol’s head he’s leaning against one of the walls as he stares off at nothing. His gaze flicks to Sehun in a silent question.

“You said sixteen, I’m eighteen.”

They stare at each other for a second before Chanyeol cracks a bright smile. “Good, now I feel less guilty about giving you beer.”

Sehun doesn't want to say he's easily influenced or anything, but he might want to punch Chanyeol less now that the guy has bought him beer. He's still one of WuFan's friends after all, and that alone is basis enough to make him hate the guy.

 

 

\--

 

 

Jongin is nearly vibrating in his seat when he sees WuFan walk into the restaurant he and Sehun are at. He can tell by the look Sehun is shooting him from across the table that his friend is ready to punch him but WuFan is looking in their direction and walking over with a smile.

“Hey guys,” he says and slips into the seat next to Sehun who visibly shudders and tries to scoot his chair away. “What’s up?”

“Lunch,” Sehun says. “Or it will be if you _don’t remove yourself from my personal space_ , hyung.”

WuFan looks at Sehun’s half eaten lunch and pulls it over to himself. “Guess that means you don’t need this then?”

“Jongdae-hyung,” Sehun whines when a newcomer joins the table taking the empty seat next to Jongin with a small nod. “Do something.”

The newcomer, Jongdae, snorts. “He’s your brother.” He starts to eat his own lunch before nodding at Jongin. “Who’s this?”

“Sehun’s new boyfriend,” WuFan supplies.

“ _No_.” They say in tandem, Jongin louder than necessary.

“Jongin is hopelessly in love with Kris.”

That was supposed to be a secret! Jongin wants to punch him in the face. He opts for kicking him under the table, but his foot misses and he just looks like he’s got this leg jerking thing going on. WuFan probably thinks he’s a freak. His life is over.

Jongdae tries not to laugh, he really does but Jongin can see it’s nearly impossible. He’s beginning to learn that; everyone laughs about it. “ _Why?_ Have you seen this man, he’s a total loser! Sehun, has he seen him dance yet?”

With a groan Sehun nods. “Yes, and I almost puked. Don’t make me relive that conversation.”

“I don’t know,” Jongin says quietly. “He’s kinda cool.” WuFan beams at that, sending Jongin a gummy smile that has his heart beating a mile a minute. He doesn’t blush, at least he thinks he doesn’t.

Jongdae loses it, cackling for a solid minute. “You need to keep this one,” he says, directed more at WuFan than Sehun. “He’s completely delusional. No one else would like you unconditionally like that.”

“Jongdae-hyung please,” Sehun says, draping himself on the table. His rainbow hair looks weird from this angle, and Jongin isn’t really sure he wants to know how Sehun managed to accomplish that on his own. “If you tell him that then he might never go back to Canada.”

WuFan flicks him in the forehead, and begins to talk around a mouthful of food, the same terrible habit that Sehun has but Jongin tells him he’s gross for. On Wufan, it’s kind of endearing because his mouth is too small to actually hold that much food Jongin noticed. And isn't that just great, he's noticing the eating habits of someone he's not supposed to have a massive thing for. “Lucky for you then I’m staying home next semester.”

“Why?” Sehun wails, jolting up right to stare at WuFan.

“Intern shit.” He shrugs as if it’s no big deal. “So I’ll be around until January? Something like that. And then I’ll graduate in May.”

Sehun groans but Jongin is smiling brightly, excited for the upcoming months. If he was thinking more clearly he'd probably kick himself. He realizes that only a little while ago he said to Sehun that this was going to be a temporary thing but the more Jongin sees of WuFan, hangs out with him and learns about him, the more he’s realizing that this is a honest to goodness crush.

“Can you, like, control your boner,” Sehun says and kicks him under the table, making him frown. “I’m very distressed about this entire thing.”

Jongin doesn’t really understand _why_. WuFan is awesome, but apparently he's a biased opinion.

\--

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out Sehun’s avoiding him, even if he’s not actually avoiding him. It’s the little things that Jongin picks up. The way Sehun’s smiles are even more rare than before, how he’s constantly indecisive and says “Whatever you want to do, Jongin” when asked what they should do when hanging out. He’s noticed it for a while now, but until today Jongin has just ignored it, putting it off as just some Sehun thing.

He’s probably just in a mood, he figured because Sehun gets in these moods sometimes and they’re so impossible to deal with. But Jongin deals with them because he’s used to them and Sehun is his best friend so he'd be a dick to not put up with them.

Now, though, he realizes it’s not a mood. Sehun is avoiding him and Jongin has no idea why. (Though, in the back of his mind he's got a hunch, he's just not willing to admit it)

“What are you doing here?” WuFan asks around a yawn, coming up behind the couch Jongin’s curled himself up on while waiting for Sehun to shower. Summer is almost over and while things are _strange_ Jongin wanted to spend their remaining time hanging out together. He wants to know that even with this thing going on between them that no matter what they're still good. That in the end they're best friends and Jongin can rely on him and vice versa.

Jongin tips his head back on the couch to look up. “Waiting for Sehun.” He watches as WuFan rubs the sleep out of his eyes, hair a mess and sticking out in all directions. Unlike all those weeks ago, the bright blond is now more of a sandy color, his roots while still limited, are dark in contrast. He’s not as starstruck over WuFan as he was, but it’s hard to not stare when he has the chance.

The couch dips next to him, WuFan settling in with a sigh, head back and eyes closed. “I’m so tired.”

He watches as WuFan’s Adam's apple moves while he talks then shakes himself back to the present. He’s got other things to think about right now. Biting his lip Jongin’s gaze relocates to his own lap. “Can I ask you something?” He waits for WuFan’s answer but plows on anyway when one doesn’t come. “Is Sehun okay?”

“What?” WuFan turns to looks at him, eyes barely open. “Yeah? He seems fine to me.”

But he’s not fine, Jongin thinks. Anything but fine. He’s fake smiles, hollow laughs, distant. So fucking distant. “I don’t think so. He’s been...strange lately.”

He shifts on the couch, turning his body to look at Jongin better, laying his head on the back of the couch. “Maybe you’re just growing apart?”

Jongin doesn’t like that sound of that. It makes his blood run cold and his palms sweat. While Jongin has more friends than Sehun, he only has one real friend he can trust. He’s not sure how he’d feel if he lost that. “How do I fix it?”

“I don’t know,” WuFan shrugs. “Find the source of it?”

He already knows the source. That’s the whole fucking problem. “What if I know what it is?”

“Talk about it.”

“I was afraid of that,” he whines, pressing his face to his knees. Jongin takes a few deep breaths, feeling WuFan’s eyes on him the entire time. He doesn’t want to talk about this, to Sehun, to anyone. He doesn’t even want to think about it. “I have this friend,” he starts off.

WuFan snorts. “A friend?”

“Yeah, his name is...Kai. And, and,” he stops, taking deep breaths again, face hot and flushed from embarrassment. “And he, um, did this thing with his friend.”

“What’s his friend’s name?”

“Christ,” Jongin lifts his head, “does it fucking matter?” But when he looks at WuFan the other just smiles. “You’re such an ass.”

WuFan just grins brightly. “So Kai and his friend did “this thing”,” he repeats. “And?”

“And now Kai regrets it, a lot, because he doesn’t know what to do about it. It was one time, but god, it feels like everything is different now. Sometimes it’s just so hard to look Se--his friend in the face because that’s all he can think about but he doesn’t want to. And it was really dumb because he doesn’t even like, um, that stuff. Or he doesn't think he does. And now his friend is basically avoiding him without actually avoiding him.”

The water in the bathroom upstairs turns off and WuFan glances towards the stairs as he lifts his head. “You should talk to Sehun,” he says after a minute, standing from the couch and ruffling Jongin’s hair. “Really. Clear up the whole, unresolved sexual tension.”

“There is no--” He cuts off realizing that WuFan knew he was talking about Sehun and himself. So maybe he wasn’t totally discreet. Before he can say anything else, WuFan is heading back to his room, saying he needs more sleep now that Sehun’s done blasting his emo crap.

Jongin sits there, mulling over this while he waits for Sehun to come down the stairs, wearing the darkest colors he can get away with.

“You’re going to melt,” Jongin says absently.

“That’s why they invented AC.”

They go and slip on their shoes. “We could go swimming.”

“Sunlight,” Sehun whines, acting just a bit like himself in the early hours. “I’m delicate, don’t put me in danger.”

You’re delicate alright, Jongin would say, but there’s so many underlying meanings behind that so he holds his tongue. Biting his lip he just says they can go to the arcade which Sehun agrees with easily enough.

\--

Jongin is lying on his back, side pressed firmly against Sehun, warm to the point he feels he should move, put some distance between them, but he doesn’t. It’s mostly pure laziness that keeps him there, trying his hardest to ignore the warmth next to him.

They’ve been like this for three hours now, sharing the small space of Sehun’s bed. He can feel the feather light tickles of Sehun’s hair on his neck and shoulder, the cotton candy pink fluttering about as he breaths slowly. There’s a high chance that Sehun is asleep, fallen down for an afternoon nap. Jongin feels himself not far off one as well, but he fights it, not wanting to find out whatever compromising position they’d end up in later.

This is the closest they’ve been, for the longest amount of time, since The Incident. Jongin feels like he’s a child calling it that, but he does it anyway. It’s not like anyone has to know.

He knows very well that the only way to make everything okay between them is to talk about it, but Jongin doesn’t want to. Talking about it means acknowledging the fact that he basically used Sehun to get off and even if he apologizes, Jongin isn’t sure how Sehun would take that.

Jongin knows very well that this is the cowards way out, that by ignore this it's most likely going to make it worse. Jongin is scared of things becoming beyond repair, but he's more scared of bringing it up. He can already see Sehun's disappointed gaze when the words "It didn't mean anything" will leave his mouth. His face will probably school into indifference in no time flat afterwards, but it's that first look of disappointment that scares him the most because no matter what he says or does that look will probably haunt him for the rest of his life. It's just better if he doesn't see it in the first place.

He turns his head to look at Sehun who is in fact asleep, breathing deep and soft. In this very moment he wishes that it was Sehun he thought was attractive and not WuFan, everything would be so much easier and he wouldn't be confused.

While Jongin isn't _attracted to Sehun_ he has to admit his face is nice. But that's all he feels in that aspect. Sehun is his friend and only his friend. He's never had to think about anything farther than that. He wonders, in the back of his mind, how Sehun feels. Jongin suspects that part of the reason why Sehun has been so moody with him has to due with those pesky things called feelings.

What if Sehun has feelings for him in a not so platonic way?

Jongin's never asked himself that question before but now he can't make it go away. He honestly wouldn't care, they're so close that everyone thinks they're dating anyway, but maybe that's part of the problem as well.

If he tried, Jongin's sure he could return Sehun's feelings, but that wouldn't be fair to either of them. It would be more out of guilt than anything and if Sehun ever found out the truth he'd hate Jongin even more most likely.

Biting his lip, Jongin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose. He'll have to talk about this at some point, just like WuFan said, and he will. Just.... He rolls on his side, curled towards Sehun and tries to ignore the thumping of his pulse in his veins. His head hurts and he wants nothing more than to just be able to relax with his best friend. Letting his body relax and mind wander else where, Jongin tries to convince himself nothing bad will happen if they do nap together like this, they've done it before with no problem so they can do it now.

Sehun won't hate you, he won't push you aside, he's your best friend. Jongin repeats this over and over to himself like a prayer until he drifts off.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been an odd day, a _very_ odd day. Sehun finds himself uncomfortable at every turn, his skin crawling and stomach uneasy throughout the entire day. It's not like Jongin to skip school without him, they never skip this soon after a break ends. He figures, maybe Jongin is sick, though it's very unlikely. Jongin usually sends him endless texts when he’s home sick, or makes Sehun skip with him. Today is different though.

He finds himself on edge the entire walk home, wanting nothing more than to be inside, away from the prying eyes of the world. Sehun feels completely on display, walking home alone, one earbud pressed in his ear. For part of the walk, he entertains the idea of going to Jongin’s house instead, but there’s this clench in his gut that tells him to go straight home and he doesn’t particularly like it. 

It isn’t until Sehun’s about to turn onto his street does he hear two familiar voices just barely filter through his thoughts and loud music. “So wait,” Zitao’s accented Korean. “I thought you were dating WuFan’s brother?”

That’s Jongin’s laugh that comes next. That undeniably loud, freaky cackle that had nearly scared Sehun the first time he heard it. “No man, we’re just best friends.” He stresses the word just and Sehun finds himself frozen in his place, shock working itself through his body. “I don’t want to fuck him or anything, that would be too weird.”

If he could, Sehun would laugh. It would probably be some pathetic, sobbing sound though, so he’s glad he can’t. 

Too weird, Jongin had said. Now that he likes WuFan it would be weird, but months ago, when he hadn’t even known Sehun had a brother it wasn’t “too weird”. Then it was just perfectly normal to drop your pants when you popped a woodie while watching porn with your best friend. Perfectly normal to climb into his lap and ask him for a little help.

He’s not going to cry, he seriously isn’t, because that would be stupid and he _doesn’t like Jongin_. At least he thinks he doesn’t. He’s pretty sure. Either way though, it still fucking hurts, and Sehun feels as if his heart is being ripped from his chest as he listens to the soft rumble of Jongin’s voice as they talk about WuFan.

It's so fucking pathetic and Sehun really has no desire to feel like this. He doesn't want to feel sorry for himself, to cry over something so insignificant. He knows very well how Jongin feels, has always known, but he can't help but wonder if somewhere in the back of his mind he had hoped that Jongin felt differently. 

Does he like Jongin? Jongin who means everything to him and he would probably flunk out of high school if not for him. Jongin who is hopelessly in love with WuFan, the biggest embarrassment Sehun has ever seen. 

Running a hand through his hair Sehun takes a deep breath before stepping away from the wall he leaned on to keep from falling at the shock. Suddenly, he can’t go home. Not only because WuFan’s there but because Jongin will probably come over to “hangout” and he can’t face him right now. 

Sehun bites his lip as he thinks, staring down at the sidewalk. He doesn’t have any other friends so he’s not entirely sure where to go. 

His mind flashes to Chanyeol, WuFan’s dorky yet surprisingly easy to hang out with friend. Sehun told himself weeks ago, when all Jongin could talk about was _WuFan, WuFan, Wu-Fucking-Fan_ , even when Sehun made it quite clear that if he mentioned his brother one more time he was going to shove him out a window. He said that he wasn’t going to lean on Chanyeol. That he wasn’t going to constantly go to this person for comfort or “friendship” just because Jongin had found something more interesting. But he finds it very difficult not to now. Impossible to just sit some place on his own. 

He doesn't really have a hold on Chanyeol's personality yet, not sure as to how the other would handle his friend's younger brother needing someone to distract him from the harsh realities of the world. They've only spoken a few times throughout the summer, so he finds himself hesitating at the idea of reaching out to Chanyeol and keeping to himself.

Sehun is very fickle with his alone time. While he likes to keep to himself as much as possible he finds _being alone_ , completely by himself, without at least some type of familiar face even if the person it belongs to doesn’t know much about him unnerving. There’s an odd sense of comfort being around his peers or whatever the fuck you call them. 

He fiddles with his phone in his pocket, the weight of it heavy in his hand as he debates on texting Chanyeol. He feels pathetic right about now for even thinking of it, but Chanyeol’s bubbly nature is kind of addicting if only for a bit. If anything, maybe the other can give him a beer or two. 

“What are you?” Chanyeol asks the moment he opens his apartment door, eyes trained on his hair. It’s styled back away from his forehead mostly. “A peach?” He flicks at Sehun’s bangs, the part that refused to stay pushed back. 

It’s been two weeks since he dyed his hair, trading in the rainbow mess (as Jongin liked to call it) for some pink mess (as Jongin now calls it). Self-consciously, he runs a hand through it, glaring up at Chanyeol. “No,” he mutters. 

There’s amusement written all over Chanyeol’s face, and for some reason, Sehun finds it hard to keep glaring as Chanyeol lets him in. He’s only been over to his apartment once before during the summer when a sudden downpour had forced them inside. Sehun was secretly grateful at the time, only to get away from the unwanted rain. If there is anything that he hates more than the sun it’s a sudden shower from the sky. Chanyeol’s place was a mess, giving off the air of a typical college kid. Though, Sehun might be just a tad bit OCD about keeping his room clean, Jongin says it’s not normal. 

It’s different this time, Sehun can actually see the place and not have to worry about stepping on something unfavorable. “I have an evening class,” Chanyeol says, voice as deep as always and it startles Sehun out of his thoughts. “But we can hang out until then, if you want.”

He nods, and slips his shoes off, dropping his bag on top of them and heading into the living room. 

They sit on the couch, pressed close together, which on any normal occasion Sehun would find odd, pushing Chanyeol away and asking for some breathing room but he finds himself just barely relaxing with the body heat against him. The warm brush of Chanyeol’s forearm against his own. On the television screen, Sehun is getting his ass kicked in Mortal Kombat, a game he’s played countless times and kicked not only WuFan’s ass but Jongin’s as well. 

“You are total shit at this,” Chanyeol says, voice light. Sehun can feel him turn to look, eyes crinkled at the corners but Sehun’s not really amused. He can’t really concentrate on button combinations. “Dude, I know you are better than this. Why are you distracted?”

Sehun doesn't say anything, not at first, continuing to losing until finally he pauses the game in frustration, letting out a loud sigh and sinking into the couch. “Is there something wrong with me?” He asks. “In general? Romantically? Would you date me?”

Chanyeol stares at him for a moment, mouth agape. “ _What_?”

He groans. “Nothing. Forget it.” He unpauses the game and mashes a series out buttons together, killing Chanyeol’s character out of pure anger at himself while Chanyeol still stares. It’s annoying, having this attention on him. “Can you not stare at me?”

“Can you explain your question?” He takes the controller from Sehun’s hands. “Do you like me or something?”

“What? No.” He glares once more, amazed that _that_ is what Chanyeol got from the question. “It actually has nothing to do with you.” Sehun grabs for the controller, but falls short, Chanyeol’s long arms holding it out of his reach. 

“Just tell me.”

Sehun huffs, completely put out by all of this. “I don’t know, I just overheard a conversation with Jongin and Zitao. _”No man, we’re just best friends. I don’t want to fuck him or anything, that would be too weird.”_ " He mocks Jongin’s voice. “That’s not something you say to someone you barely know.”

Chanyeol stares at him again, he does it a lot. Eyes flicking over Sehun’s features, brows knit together just a bit. “Why does what Jongin said bother you?” His voice is soft, careful and Sehun suddenly feels like he’s an animal that Chanyeol doesn’t want to upset. The thought both amuses him and makes him anxious.

“I don’t know, it just does.” He bites his lip. “Jongin is...important. Like, that first real friend important, that person I can trust not to judge me important. But he’s... I don’t know. Focused on Kris.”

Neither say anything for a long time, and Sehun is debating on leaving when Chanyeol finally says, “I think you're projecting. You’re so afraid of losing Jongin as a friend that you’re confusing feelings, so you’re kind of protective of him even though it’s only Kris that he likes.”

He stares at Chanyeol now, speechless. What does that even _mean_? Projecting what? Sehun is positive that he doesn't have any reason to be protective of Jongin, it's not as if WuFan is going to purposely hurt him or anything.

"Don't think about it too hard," Chanyeol says airily, patting him on the knee. "I just mean that whatever you think you feel for Jongin outside of friendship is just you not wanting to let Kris have a chance at him, or get close to him." He watches Sehun watch him for a minute before smiling gently. "You said it yourself, Sehun, Jongin is an important friend."

"Yeah." His voice is thick and comes out strangely. Sehun looks down at his lap, where his hands have curled around each other without anything to hold onto. 

Chanyeol nudges him with his foot. "So, it makes sense. And..." He pauses. Sehun looks up in time to see Chanyeol lick his lips. "And that's awesome. You're an admirable friend."

He wants to laugh at Chanyeol and call him an idiot. Sehun's a terrible friend; he's sarcastic, unhelpful, and highly possessive of the people that get close to him. He can't even open himself up to let people get close in the first place, at least outside of Jongin. Jongin who knows almost everything about Sehun, and who comes over all the time, or has no problems letting Sehun veg in his room. Jongin who asks Sehun for help when he doesn't get something when they do homework together, who only wins half the video games they play because Sehun lets him. 

So maybe Sehun isn't a totally shitty friend. But he's far from admirable. Still, he has to admit he does feel a little better. His stomach is still in knots, but it's not as nauseating as before. 

The rest of the time before Chanyeol's class is spent easily as they channel surf. Conversation is limited until Chanyeol passes by one of the Star Trek movies and Sehun nearly has an aneurysm trying to express to him _why_ you don't just skip past Star Trek. It's just not simply done. He spends a good twenty minutes telling Chanyeol that he's utterly hopeless because he's never bothered to sit through anything Star Trek related. He gets so into the conversation that he ends up walking with Chanyeol half way to campus before realizing that he just _geeked out_ so hard and now Chanyeol's probably going to avoid him like the plague.

"I...should go home," he mumbles suddenly embarrassed. "It's kinda late." They both know it isn't in the least but Chanyeol doesn't call him out on it. 

He smiles instead and shifts his messenger bag over his shoulder. "I guess that just means next time you'll have to finish educating me then, huh?"

Sehun fiddles with the hem of his school shirt and shrugs. "If you want, I mean it's cool if you don't."

"I don't know, you make it sound pretty interesting." He checks the time on his phone while saying, "I've always been a Star Wars fan myself."

Sighing loudly Sehun shakes his head and looks up at the sky. "They're not even--No. We're going to fix this." He makes a mental note to dig out his box sets of the original Star Trek. "We'll start you off easy."

Laughing loudly, Chanyeol nods. "Okay. My fate is in your hands--"

"If you try to make a Star Wars reference I might actually punch you."

"Touchy, touchy," he says before making a motion behind him. "I should go, but...think over what I said and text me, I guess?" If Sehun didn't know any better he'd say that Chanyeol seemed embarrassed, shy almost. He quickly dismisses the thought though, deeming it utterly ridiculous.

Sehun finds himself nodding anyway before heading back down the street towards home. He has to force himself not to stop and turn back a few times. He realizes now that his first assessment of Chanyeol was not fair in the least, and he feels mildly bad for it. 

 

\--

 

Jongin watches quietly from Sehun's bed as the other searches through the depths of his closet. It's only only place in Sehun's room that isn't in perfect order where he can find everything and it's been a good ten minutes since he started rooting around in there. He watches, eyes glued to the curve of Sehun's ass and shapely thighs. Before Jongin used to wonder what it would be like to fuck him, to press his fingers into the tight heat of Sehun's hole, to feel him clench around his cock. The thought never did anything for him, leaving his cock soft between his legs. After a few recurrences of this he gave up the idea for better things to day dream about. Up until recently it was always Krystal.

"What are you doing?" he asks eventually, growing bored of watching Sehun's ass. 

"What?" Sehun asks, hissing when he places his hand on something that Jongin can't see. "You're still here?" He turns to look back at Jongin over his shoulder, hair standing in various directions.

Where else would I be, Jongin wants to ask. It hasn't gone unnoticed to him that Sehun's attention has been else where lately, and while that doesn't necessarily bother Jongin, this does. "Duh, we had plans to hang out remember?"

A look passes over Sehun's face, one that Jongin would almost call guilt, but it's gone in a flash and replaced with something impassive. "Right," he says, getting to his feet and shoving this back in his closet. 

They sit together for a solid five minutes, the silence gnawing away at Jongin as he waits for Sehun to suggest they do something. He doesn't though, and Jongin's not really sure what that means. He goes home soon after, more disgusted in himself than anything else. 

That night he sleeps poorly, even after he jerks off a few times. 

Throughout the night all he can think about is how he feels like he's losing his best friend and it's basically his own fault. 

\--

Sehun isn't home when Jongin stops by over the weekend, and he's a bit shocked by this until WuFan tells him why. "He said something about marathoning Star Trek with Chanyeol," he lets Jongin inside anyway since in the past few weeks they've become something like friends. "It's amusing, Sehun hasn't bothered to care about my friends since he was, like, twelve."

Jongin smiles weakly at that. Sehun had said to him before that his tolerance of people had shifted around that time. "It's good that he's opening up more, I guess."

WuFan hums in agreement, leading them up to his room. "He's probably going to be gone all day, you know how he is with his nerd things." 

"Yeah," Jongin says, only he really doesn't. Sehun's never made him sit down to watch Star Trek, or anything like that. They don't bond over TV shows often, just over The Walking Dead because they both have this fascination with zombies and it's easier to watch it together and share a bed when they can't sleep than being terrified at two in the morning. It makes Jongin feel that while he knows so much about Sehun, he doesn't know anything at all.

He changes songs on WuFan's iPod right in the middle ten times before the other turns from his desk to look at him. He doesn't look angry or annoyed, just concerned. It bothers Jongin more than it would if WuFan was mad.

"What's eating you?"

Trying to keep the mood light, Jongin looks down at his hands and legs, checking over his body before locking eyes with WuFan again. "Nothing that I know of, though maybe there's a tape worm eating my stomach as we speak."

"Idiot," WuFan says. If Jongin didn't know any better, he'd swear it was affectionate. He turns to save something on his laptop then rolls his desk chair over to the bed where Jongin is sitting. "Talk."

He takes in a deep breath. "It's Sehun...he's--"

"Did you talk to him about your unresolved sexual tension?"

" _My what_?"

He rolls his eyes. "That thing you told me about, thought you said it was your "friend", obviously that was a lie."

"There is no--I don't li--" Jongin furrows his brow and searches WuFan's face for a long minutes before saying. "You realize I _like you_ , right? Like, seriously."

WuFan shrugs. "Yeah, but you can like multiple people at once, so I didn't give it much thought."

And fuck, doesn't that just make Jongin feel wonderful. Everyone thinks he's in love with Sehun and that majority of his feelings for WuFan are in the platonic sense, don't they? He laughs at the idea, but the sound is harsh so he soon stops. "I don't--Sehun is my best friend, and yeah I fucking care about him but I don't...."

"Want to fuck him?"

"Exactly!" 

WuFan considers this, taking his bottom lip between his teeth and Jongin has to force himself to think about the conversation at hand and not how soft WuFan's lips look, or how much he wants to kiss him. "Why haven't you talked to him yet?"

"I'm scared, okay. Jongin's a chicken who can't say a damn thing because he's so scared of losing his best friend. Are you happy?" He throws his hands up in the air."Is the world happy yet?"

"Me personally? No, I'm not. But my feelings don't matter at the moment." Jongin opens his mouth to say that of course WuFan's feelings fucking matter, how could he say that they don't, but he doesn't get the chance as WuFan continues speaking. "It doesn't matter what anyone else feels or thinks because it's _your_ problem with Sehun."

"But Sehun keeps ignoring me." He looks down at his hands in his lap, fiddling with WuFan's iPod but not changing the songs anymore. 

The way WuFan's eyes bore into the side of his head is calming and unnerving at the same time and Jongin wants to scream because he doesn't know how to keep his emotions in check. This summer has turned into everything it was not supposed to be. "Have you ever thought," he trails off and seems to consider his next words. "That Sehun is doing this because you won't talk to him?"

Jongin snorts and turns away, looking at the far corner of WuFan's room.

A warm hand brushes over his own, stilling their nervous movement and fiddling. "I--Sehun's a little, um." WuFan flounders around a bit and if Jongin weren't so wrapped up in confusing and anger he'd think it was adorable. "Do you know why Sehun has so few friends?"

Shrugging, Jongin looks back at his lap. "Something about people and their judgmental bullshit and how he finds it easier to be by himself than to deal with them." He glances at WuFan and see a certain look on his face, one he can't put a name to but it makes something unpleasant coil in his stomach.

"It's not my place to tell you anything because you're Sehun's friend first before you are anything with me, to me, and I'd rather not be another addition to what drives you two apart." There's a scowl on his face as if the words physically pain him to say but Jongin can see nothing but honest intent in his eyes and while he feels like he's being rejected, he knows there is more to this than just black and white once he opens his damn mouth. "I will say that the fact you are Sehun's friend, only friend, best friend, counts for a lot more than you might think it does and he'll be more broken up than you'd think if you two stop being friends over something so pointless."

Sometimes, Jongin wonders how WuFan puts up with him and Sehun and their teenage high school bullshit, or how WuFan had become somewhat like a friend over the course of the past few months, but he figures he shouldn't dwell on it. 

 

\--

 

Sehun's noticed it before, these looks that pass over WuFan's face when they're inhabiting the same space for extending periods of time. They're less subtle when it's just the two of them, no Jongin or parents or anyone around. It makes his gut clench with anger. These looks are what Sehun would call _pity_ but he's not entirely sure if that's what they are. He tries to ignore looks like that, cutting out anyone who gives him them of his life.

If there's one thing Sehun hates it's pity. He's not weak or fragile. He's just your average, angry teenager with no friends who suffered a serious case of anxiety three years ago. 

"Can I help you?" he hisses when WuFan gives him one of these looks after he comes home from Chanyeol's. 

WuFan's face goes neutral now that he's been caught and shrugs. He doesn't say anything.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"No reason." He looks in another direction, but it's obvious that he has something else to say. "How's the Star Trek marathon with Chanyeol going?"

Startled by this question, Sehun's scowl at him falters, falling from his face just a bit. "Alright, he keeps commenting on the special effects from the original series." 

He makes a pinched expression. "It was the 60s though, of course it sucks."

Sehun shrugs, looking away from WuFan to fiddle with the strap of his bag. He had forgotten that, while they don't hang out anymore and a majority of WuFan's existence pisses Sehun off, they do, once you look past music, have similar tastes. Some days he aches for when things were simple and he could just _talk_ to WuFan about anything and everything. 

"How come you're okay with me hanging out with Chanyeol?" he blurts out, the curiosity nagging at the back of his mind even more now they they're on the topic. 

"Chanyeol's allowed to be friends with whoever he wants," he says as if it's obvious. "And so are you."

Sehun licks his lips, staring at the soft carpet under their feet. "But he's like, _the friend_ , you know? The one you've had the longest and can still talk to after being apart for so long like it's no big deal." 

"Does this really have to do with Chanyeol?" WuFan asks after a pause. "Or is it about something else?"

"What?"

He seems hesitant, not sure how to approach the topic and it makes Sehun's gut clench with something else. He thinks he's going to be sick. "Jongin keeps asking about you, if you're okay."

The easy feeling of being around WuFan fades quickly back into annoyance and maybe a bit of betrayal. He knew this would happen. "What the hell, Kris?"

WuFan rolls his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. "Don't jump to conclusions. I didn't say anything. What you tell your friends is your business. But he's worried, scared maybe. Figured you should know." He walks away after that, heading up to his room quietly, leaving Sehun to stew in his own juices.

Jongin is worried about him, what a laughable thought, he thinks bitterly. 

Sleep comes poorly that night. The longer he thinks about Jongin and Jongin being worried about _him_ the more defeated he feels. His stomach rolls angrily throughout the night as he thinks. He looks back to the spring when they both acted on what he would assume impulse. He thinks about the various ways the conversation, the confrontation about it could go. It makes him want to throw up, to scream, because he's so scared of the outcome, of losing Jongin that he can't muster up the courage to talk about it himself. The closed off looks Jongin has made just the few times it's slipped were enough to have him turn tail.

Sehun's never thought of himself as a coward, but he's beginning to think that maybe he is.

\--

“What are your feelings about horror movies,” Sehun asks the moment Chanyeol picks up the phone. He’s not sure when he thought it would be a good idea to actually start using the number he had programmed in for the other but he figures it’s not best to dwell on it, right now he just needs a distraction to keep his mind from wandering. “Like gory ones, or even b-rate ones.”

Chanyeol makes an embarrassing noise over the phone. “That’s kind of all I watch. You know, outside of Star Wars and our Star Trek marathons.”

His mood brightens a bit. WuFan’s being annoying per usual, but instead of playing his god awful rap through the walls he blasts one of Jongin’s most recent CD mixes. It’s so annoying. Sehun hears enough of this dance music, or smooth R&B or Jazz when he helps Jongin go through one of his routines for dance class, he doesn’t need to hear it at home. “Oh good, Jongin’s a total pussy and I could use a movie marathon right now, if you’re not busy or whatever.”

“Or whatever,” Chanyeol mocks. “I’m free, you can come over.”

Sehun isn’t excited, he really isn’t.

Maybe a little, but he loves horror movies and no one will watch them with him. 

They’re sitting on Chanyeol’s couch, their knees are touching just a bit, but Chanyeol leaves enough space between them that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable. He wonders if that is just by chance. “I don’t know why, but Jongin is scared of the tiniest thing. Basically watching a horror movie with him is him jumping every five minutes.”

“That would be annoying,” he says rather dully. Okay, Sehun thinks, don’t bring up Jongin. 

The movie starts after they skip through all the previews because, “If I wanted to watch them, I’d go to a theater,” and Sehun can totally respect that. 

Not five minutes into the movie does Sehun let out a sigh. “She’s so fucking dumb,” he grumbles, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Like, you do not fuck with a ouija board. Ever. You’re gonna die you dumb bitch.”

Chanyeol shifts next to him, and out of the corner of his eye Sehun can see his blank, but slightly frightened stare. “Remind me to never cross you,” he deadpans.

Sehun, not one to let an opportunity go, hisses at the word ‘cross’ and Chanyeol actually scoots over a bit, widening the gap between them. He’s never actually done this to Jongin, shown his completely dark and morbid side. That should bother him more than it does considering he’s barely even friends with Chanyeol. 

“So,” Chanyeol says, darting his gaze between their movie that they’ve now missed a good five minutes out of and Sehun. “If I wear a cross, does that mean you’ll burn or something.”

He snorts. “Or something.” He looks back at the space between them and narrows his eyes. “Unless you’re gonna fill the space with popcorn and try to hold my hand like some lame teenage movie, please move back over. It’s very difficult to steal your life force with you all the way over there.”

“And what do you plan to do with my life force?”

“Destroy the world,” he shrugs.

“Naturally.”

Narrowing his eyes, Sehun glances at Chanyeol. “Well, what else would I do with it? It'd be a waste to use it on something else. It's so much effort to go through sucking the force out of you I’d be a shame."

He hums softly, eyes trained on the TV once more. “As long as you credit me.”

“Yeah,” Sehun says sarcastically. “Because people are totally going to care who’s life force was used in the destroying of the world _when they are dead_.”

“Hey, you never know,” Chanyeol says, but he slides back over, settling in next to Sehun.

He can feel the warmth coming off of him, and it’s kind of nice. Sehun, being who he is, needs to counter that feeling because it’s just a little too comfortable for what he’s used to with Chanyeol. “Mmm, life force,” he says a few minutes later. Chanyeol shoots him a look that he returns with a grin. 

Honestly, Chanyeol looks more terrified of him than the movie and Sehun can't help but laugh, shifting his weight around to get more comfortable on the couch. He hasn't felt this comfortable around anyone in god knows how long, not even Jongin understands his completely insane and morbid fascinations or half of his dark comments, let alone go along with them.

\--

Sehun hates it when people talk about him, he hates it even more when they come up to him and try to talk _to him_. There’s a reason why he stopped caring what these people thought. The idea of people noticing him, and remembering his name and coming up to him is mentally disturbing. He can’t even count the amount of people that have come up to him in the past week and asked him about his “tall college friend” and say that they should hang out sometime.

(He actually did count and it was twenty-three.)

“It’s so annoying,” he gripes as he walks with Chanyeol home. Jongin had dance lessons today and Sehun hates walking alone more than than he hates hearing Jongin talk about WuFan. “Some girl, her name is like Juri or something, asked me to have a party. Which is ridiculous because I _hate parties_.”

Chanyeol doesn’t seem to hear the rest of that though because he’s nearly jumping as he says. “You totally should, it’d be great!” And no matter what Sehun he says he will not take no for an answer. So they end up throwing a party at Chanyeol’s apartment the following week that everyone talks about for the next three days after the fact, coming up to him and clapping him on the back. 

“Awesome party,” they say and Sehun thinks he might puke if he hears one more person say the word party to him.

And of course, that’s what Jongin slides next to him at lunch and asks about it. “You threw a party?” Sehun stares before he gives this half hearted shrug nod thing. “You didn’t invite me.” He’s pouting. He’s fucking pouting and Sehun feels like the biggest dick for all of five seconds because Jongin is his best friend and he spent that entire party by himself because Chanyeol is like a party animal and Jongin would've hung back with him. 

The more he thinks about it though, the more pissed off he gets. “I figured you were busy,” he says finally with a shrug as if it’s no big deal. If he’s being honest though, he’s still kind of upset for what he overheard Jongin saying to Zitao, which if fucking stupid because it was two weeks ago. It’s completely idiotic. 

“You still could’ve invited me,” Jongin says and he’s still pouting. “I would’ve come. I know you hate anything that involves more than, like, five people at most.”

Sehun sorts. “I can take care of myself you know. I don’t need you around all the time.”

He does the stupid thing and look at Jongin then, who looks so stricken by his words that he thinks he’s going to throw up again for an entirely different reason. "You've been acting weird lately, Sehun, what's up? You know you can talk to me.”

Sehun tries really hard not to roll his eyes. He’s not hungry anymore, pushing his lunch away and getting ready to slide his chair back from the table. "Can I? You haven't exactly been around lately. You're too busy trying to get into my brother's pants to care." It’s a total low blow because if Jongin wants to fuck his brother it’s cool, Jongin is allowed to like who ever he wants.

Jongin laughs humorlessly. “Is that what this is about?”

“Who said it was about anything?”

They stare each other down for a minute before Sehun has to remove himself before he says something really stupid like that Jongin is ditching him for WuFan and it’s all because of one fucking handjob last year and he’s sorry that it was a big deal to him but not to Jongin but fuck that’s not a reason to ignore your best friend. 

“I need to go,” Sehun mumbles. “I’ll text you.” He doesn’t have any intention to do that though.

For days they don’t talk to each other and while Jongin doesn’t seem really phased by the sudden loss of Sehun in his life, Sehun feels like he’s been hit by a truck a majority of the time. He finds it to be too much effort to get out of bed. 

This entire thing is stupid and he knows that all he is doing is pushing Jongin away before it can be done to him but he doesn’t know how else to deal with it. 

What makes this mess even worse is how close WuFan and Jongin have become so even though he’s “avoiding” Jongin, he can’t completely avoid him since he comes over still to hang out with WuFan which hurts more than it should. He plays it off by rolling his eyes every time he sees Jongin in his house, sighing dramatically. A few times his brother asks what’s going on because Sehun’s never acted like this before but they both deflect the conversation completely. At least they can agree on something while still fighting. 

One day Sehun just loses it when Jongin comes over to hang out _not_ with Sehun. He finds it incredibly hilarious when Jongin asks him where he’s going when he comes back downstairs in a pair of skinny jeans, a low neck white shirt under a large black cardigan. “I’m going to hang out with Chanyeol.” And Jongin nearly flips the table. 

Figuratively.

“Why are you acting like this?” He asks it with a somewhat amused expression, trying to keep the conversation light. “What, you’re allowed to have fun but I’m not? What do you want me to do, Jongin? Sit here by myself waiting for you to actually make time to hang out with me? Fuck that. Why should I waste my time waiting around for you when I could go out and have fun with someone who actually wants to hang out with me?"

Jongin rolls his eyes. “He’s just using you, Sehun. You’re a high school kid, and high school kids are easy.”

Scoffing Sehun shakes his head and bends down to put on his shoes. “Really, Jongin? Is that how it really is?”

“Yeah, it is actually.”

He laughs. “Then why do you hang out with Kris so much?” The room falls silent and Sehun stands, shoes tied and hands placed in his cardigan pockets. Typical, he thinks. Jongin can shoot the shit but he can’t come up with a good reason for himself. 

From the other room, Sehun can hear WuFan bounding down the stairs and he takes that as his cue. “Hey, what’s up guys,” he says just as Sehun slams the door shut behind himself. 

It’s a wonder how Sehun manages to end up outside of Chanyeol’s apartment. He still refuses to say they're friends, but he can't deny he finds some sort comfort in being around the other. It’s strange, but he knows better than to question it. 

If anything, Chanyeol just looks a bit confused when he opens the door for Sehun, but he smiles brightly and invites him in. He’s not even completely inside before he asks, “Can I have a beer?”

Pursing his lips Chanyeol gets two beers, one for himself and one for Sehun, turning his music off before he sits on the couch next to Sehun. He listens to the same crap that WuFan does with a dash of dubstep; Sehun’s vocally expressed how much he hates it various times already. They sit around for a while, drinking their beer and not saying anything. Sehun finds comfort in the silence, not being required to say anything or explain himself. It’s not always like that with Jongin, sometimes their elongated silences become awkward. It’s quite obvious though that Chanyeol has no intention of letting Sehun get drunk. He’s not sure if he should be grateful or not when he cuts him off. 

He has a snide comment ready but Chanyeol can see through him and starts speaking first. “Look,” he says, “whatever is going on between you and your friend just....don't do this. You're not going to feel better. Trust me man." And he looks like a worried puppy as he says it that Sehun kind of wants to cry, but oh wait he is and when did that happen? He doesn’t cry, tears aren’t going to solve his problems. He’s too old for this.

He looks away from Chanyeol, voice thick as he stares down at the sleeves over his hands, “You don't know anything, you don't even know me.”

“Yeah, you're right. I just know that you're like the second biggest nerd after me and you're always angry, but I never know why you're angry." Sehun hates that worried tone in his voice, much preferring that idiotic babble. 

He shuffles a little, sinking lower into the couch, trying to ignore the warm press of Chanyeol next to him. “It doesn’t matter.”

Chanyeol, bless him, sees through and just rolls his eyes. “Yes, it does, Sehun. You’re crying for fuck’s sake.”

He laughs but the sound seems hollow to Sehun’s own ears and he needs to swallow around the lump in his throat before speaking again. “I don’t need this.” Rubbing his face with his sleeves he says, “I’m not a girl, I don’t need to talk about my _feelings_.”

“Then why did you ask to hang out?”

“I don’t know,” Sehun shouts throwing his hands into the air. “Because Jongin’s an asshole, everyone likes my brother more than me, and I just want to get drunk. If that’s too much to ask of you then I’m sorry, I’ll just leave.” Chanyeol’s eyes are heavy on his back as he stands from the couch, heading to put his shoes back on. It was stupid to come here he thinks, regretting his dumb decisions because why would anyone want to hang out with him? He’s just Oh Sehun, the annoying angst filled teenager.

Long, warm fingers wrap around his wrist before he gets far and pull him back. “Hey,” Chanyeol’s voice is soft and steady. “No, you don’t have to leave.” He finds himself being pulled into Chanyeol’s lap. It’s kind of weird, but not completely and Sehun can’t help but let the tension ease out of his body just as bit. “Kris just has...this thing, people like him, I guess? I don’t know. But you’re pretty cool too, Sehun.”

“Right,” he snorts, nose a bit stuffed. His face feels gross and damp. “Because cool is working out so well for me. That explains why I haven’t had a decent friend since elementary school and why my _only_ best friend is ditching me for my brother.” He sucks in a shuddering breath and shakes his head. “Obviously being cool isn’t enough.”

“Maybe he’s scared.”

“Of what,” he asks incredulously.

“I don’t know, Sehun. I’m not you, or Jongin. I don’t know what’s happened between you two.” His eyes narrow as bit, as if he’s examining Sehun. It makes his skin crawl. “But there’s something between you guys that’s probably causing this.”

Sehun just rolls his eyes. “There’s nothing between us, why would there be? Jongin’s made that abundantly clear.”

There’s a steady hand on Sehun’s lower back and he can feel the warmth of Chanyeol’s skin through his layers. “Do you want something to happened between you two?” His voice is quiet when he asks, cautious.

“...No.” 

He doesn’t miss how Chanyeol’s other hand settles on his hip, more reassuring than anything else. It shouldn’t feel as nice as it does and Sehun is torn between getting up and staying there. “Hesitate more, why don’t you?”

“I don’t.”

There’s a small smile forming on Chanyeol’s lips. He’s teasing now. “Doesn’t seem that way to me,” he sing songs, giving a tiny shrug. He squeezes Sehun’s hip a little. “Maybe you should tell him. It might clear everything up. Fighting like this can’t be good for either of you.”

Sehun bites his lip and looks away. He could tell Chanyeol about what happened, but he’s not sure if he should. Would that be weird? He’s not sure if they’re friends yet or not. He takes too long to figure out because Chanyeol is moving him off his lap and plopping him down on the couch next to him before standing. Sehun tries to not feel disappointed by this. “Look,” Chanyeol says, “I’m not going to pry, but you came here for a reason. Maybe another beer won’t hurt.” 

And it isn’t until he’s half finished with it that Sehun thanks him, mutters about maybe telling him one day. “I’m not... comfortable with you yet,” he admits, hands wrapped around the can, fingers numb from the cool liquid. “Well, not that comfortable. It’s kind of personal... I don’t know if I can trust you.”

Chanyeol nods like he understands and doesn’t say anything more on the subject.

\--

Sehun's grateful for Chanyeol's friendship the more he thinks about things. He realizes that he's not interested in Jongin at all other than friendship. It's like a smack to the face when he finally comes to that conclusion without any lingering thoughts or feelings like before. He loves Jongin but he doesn't _love_ Jongin, and Sehun's pretty happy about that. It makes working up the courage to maybe talk to Jongin so much easier.

It's only a few hours after he comes to figuring that out that he realizes another problem entirely. 

"I like Chanyeol," he says to no one but his empty room. It's hilarious for all of five seconds before it knocks the breath out of him because he's liked Chanyeol for a while now. Jongin's probably noticed it by now, even with how little he talks about Chanyeol to him, or at all. 

His face probably gave him away. Stupid face. Stupid expressions.

He sits on the floor of his bedroom for a full hour, taking various deep breaths before it's just much to think about. Sehun's not very good with this whole feelings thing, and he doesn't think it's fair to have feelings for Chanyeol when he can't even keep one god forsaken friendship. He's pretty ashamed of himself.

After he can breath normally again, a new kind of panic sets in. He needs to tell someone, to talk to someone. Sehun can't deal with this knowledge by himself. It's too much. 

He looks at his phone on his bed, biting his lip. He could text Jongin, but that probably wouldn't go over well. Sehun sure as hell isn't telling WuFan, that's asking for trouble. Telling Chanyeol would be weird considering he can't even tell Chanyeol why he and Jongin are fighting. Wouldn't be a very good conversation opener. 

 

\--

 

"You look like you're going to explode," Jongin observes the next time he and Sehun are are together, and walking home form school. Truthfully he's a bit worried they're going to get into an argument again, but Sehun looks more than distracted so he takes his chances. "You have a secret, don't you?"

Sehun's eyes go wide as he turns to look at Jongin. This is the most expressive he's seen the other for weeks now, out side of pissed off that is. "Is it that obvious?"

He grins. "Kind of, your face always does this _thing_ when you have something you want to tell someone, but don't know who to tell."

"Oh." He stares at Jongin, and while it's amusing to see this expression on Sehun, the longer he stares the more awkward it gets. He wonders when things got like this, but the thought process doesn't get a chance to develop before Sehun's blurting out, "I think I like Chanyeol. Like, eighty five percent sure."

To say Jongin is shocked would be an understatement. He had his suspicions but this. This is big. He feels... "O-oh?"

Something passes in Sehun's eyes, disappointment, anger, he's not sure, but it's gone. His face is something close to impassive, but it still holds that scared look from before. "Yeah, I'm not sure what I should do about it."

Stop hanging out with him, Jongin wants to say, but that would be hypocritical of him. He has a thing for WuFan and not once has Sehun told him to not hang out with him, so he figures he should do the same. "H-have you told him?"

A scowl works its way on Sehun's face as he looks down between them, watching the pavement as they walk. "No, I--it would be weird. Emotions are....weird."

Jongin lets out a small laugh but it sounds more like a huff. "Yeah, can't argue with that." He bites his lip, letting silence pass over them as they keep walking. They have to spilt up soon, Jongin has dance lessons. 

When they get to the where they have to spilt up Jongin hesitates, gaze on Sehun but also looking past him. "You should....do what you think is right, I guess, if you like him that is." His throat feels constricted and he legs feel weak, but Jongin knows it was the right thing to say when Sehun nods and gives him this look that isn't exactly pleased but something close to it. 

Maybe they're not as bad off as he thought. Maybe they're headed back to being best friends attached at the hip, with a few modifications that is.

 

\--

 

He's not really sure how he does it, but somewhere in the next few days, Sehun works up the courage to have a serious conversation with Chanyeol. He explains why things between him and Jongin are so tense, why he feels betrayed. Throughout the entire story, Chanyeol doesn't say a word, doesn't move. He respects the space that Sehun has put between them on his couch, keeping his eyes on him even though Sehun's gaze flits about the room because when it comes to serious matter, eye contact has always been hard for him.

"So that's why you like him," Chanyeol says when he's finished. His voice is low and quiet, barely a whisper. Sehun wants to scream.

"I never--I don't like Jongin. Not like that." He stares at the blank TV across from them, watching their blurred figures on the couch. "I realized that after...."

It's then that Chanyeol shifts closer. Sehun feels like he's in some cliche movie, it's kind of funny. If you ignore the heavy subject matter and how he still needs to clear things up with Jongin but doesn't know how, and how his anxiety has been acting up again lately but he's too scared to mention it because everyone was so proud of him when he declared he didn't need to take his pills anymore. 

"After?" He sounds hopeful, and it makes Sehun's brain flick back to the present.

"After I realized I might possibly like you."

Chanyeol doesn't say anything and Sehun thinks he's fucked everything up again and now he's going to have no friends instead of one questionable best friend and one something-like-a-friend-but-more-like-an-overgrown-puppy. He tells himself to calm down as the seconds tick on without Chanyeol speaking, moving. You'll get over it, he tells himself even though he probably won't and--

Chanyeol kisses him. It's a terrible kiss and on his cheek no less but. "Thank fuck," Chanyeol breathes out against his skin, and he knows Chanyeol closed his eyes because he can feel the brush of his lashes on his cheekbone. "I was worried it was one-sided."

"Yeah?" He turns just a bit and their noses brush together. 

Sehun doesn't know about relationships but he tells Chanyeol that he's not ready to dive into one and Chanyeol agrees that it probably wouldn't be smart. It comes off pretty weak considering he pulls Sehun closer, practically in his lap, hands warm on his hips, and Sehun feels like things just click into place for once in his life. 

Chanyeol proves to be affectionate once that barrier has been broken. It's as if he can't keep his hands to himself and Sehun honestly is glad. Everything feels so much easier to deal with at the moment when he knows that there's another person that isn't going to judge Sehun for anything. 

He feels like he can breathe.

\--

"Can you not take your tie off in front of me?" Sehun asks carefully, eyes never leaving the movement of Chanyeol’s hands. He has on a suit for an interview, fitting perfectly to his long frame and making him look more mature than his skinny jeans and hoodies ever will. Chanyeol looks like an adult and Sehun finds it very hot. It’s only been a few days since Sehun spilled his guts to Chanyeol but already things between them are just more in general than they were before. 

"Why?"

"It's very...distracting," he says slowly, licking his lips.

"Oh. _Oh_. Really now? Does someone have a daddy kink?" Chanyeol waggles his eyebrows at Sehun in a way that’s highly creepy but almost mildly amusing. 

"God no."

Chanyeol considers this. “No, but you do like businessmen. Say, have you ever been fucked over a desk?"

Sehun chokes a little on his own spit, face flushing as he turns away from Chanyeol quickly. "I can't say I've ever had the chance."

He can practically hear Chanyeol's smirk. "Oh?" he says carefully, voice dropping an octave. "Would you like a demonstration?"

Sehun's face burns and he takes a few steps away, coughing awkwardly to clear his throat. "Funny, very funny Chanyeol. Now can you...go somewhere else with that. Change, or something."

"Why?" He takes a step forward, following Sehun. "Aren't you at least a little bit curious?"

Sehun shakes his head quickly, blond hair fanning out with the movement. "No."

“Are you sure?" Chanyeol presses.

"Yes," he mutters, the word coming out higher pitched than what he's used to. Chanyeol smirks at him again, fingers brushing tentatively along Sehun's upper arm. 

"Doesn't seem like it to me," he practically purrs, words spoken just inches from his ear. The deep tone sends shivers down Sehun's spine.

"Chanyeol," he says through clenched teeth. "If you do not move, I swear I'll--"

"You'll what, Sehun?" he nips playfully at his ear. 

"I'll..." Sehun swallows thickly, mouth suddenly dry.

Chanyeol moves until he’s standing in front of Sehun, one hand cupping his chin and forcing him to look up. Sehun’s face is flushed pink, cheeks most likely a color to rivals his hair only a few weeks prior. His hand drops from Sehun’s face to reach for hands, placing trembling fingers on his tie. "Here, why don't you take it off for me?"

Sehun licks his lips, fingers fumbling with the knot. "I should stuff this in your mouth," he mutters, voice wavering. They've never done this before. Anything even remotely close to this, both taking things slow considering they haven't put an exact label on their relationship. Sehun says he's not ready for that and Chanyeol is nothing but understanding.

The corner of Chanyeol's mouth tips up in a smirk. "We can do that, if you want. If that's what you're into."

He risks glancing up. "I....don't know _what_ I'm into," he says.

"I can help with that," and Chanyeol's grin is positively wicked.

Sehun might possibly be afraid for once in his life.

Chanyeol leans in, lips just barely brushing across Sehun’s and a sudden bubble of panic builds in his stomach and his hands fly from Chanyeol’s tie to his arms, squeezing them. He has no idea where it came from, but it fills his body, making it nearly impossible to breathe. The idea of being close to Chanyeol, having sex with him, Chanyeol seeing him naked and _oh god_ he can’t do that. Jongin is the only one who’s seen him naked, partially naked, seen his dick, and he’s almost positive that Jongin wasn’t even looking at his dick at the time.

He pushes Chanyeol away suddenly, face still flushed and heart beating a mile a minute. By the look on Chanyeol’s face Sehun knows that the other doesn’t even know what happened, he looks lost and confused and Sehun is just so scared about all of this. He’s not sure if it stems from that fact that this right here could be all Chanyeol wants him for, or if it’s just the pure thought of anyone seeing him naked. 

Sehun tears his eyes away from Chanyeol’s face, looking down between them at their socked feet, muttering about how he can’t do this, about how this is not okay over and over again.

Chanyeol’s grip on his arms is impossibly tight then, almost to the point it’s painful and Sehun winces. “Hey, hey,” his voice is low and smooth, like melted chocolate. “Calm down. I’m not going to make you do anything.” He’s rubbing his hands up and down Sehun’s arms in a soothing motion, tipping his head down to look at Sehun’s face. “It’s okay,” he says.

Sehun has no control over what expression is on his face when he looks up once more, eyes impossibly wide and scared. His heart still won’t calm down no matter what, even with Chanyeol’s soothing motions. He feels so bad for scaring Chanyeol, for just suddenly losing it like this but he just _can’t_ do this. Any of this. He can’t even find the words to tell Chanyeol he’s sorry.

Seeming to understand his distress, Chanyeol pulls him close, long arms wrapping around his thin frame. He rubs his hand, palm warm through the fabric of Sehun’s shirt, over his back. “It’s okay,” he says again, followed by a soft shushing sound. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, it’s okay. Just breathe.”

This, while in the right mind, does not make Sehun feel any better. It makes him feel worse because _of course_ Chanyeol is totally okay with it, and trying to make Sehun feel better. He feels his throat closing at the sudden build of of emotions and presses his face into the fabric of Chanyeol’s blazer as he takes a few deep breaths. He doesn’t understand what the sudden freak out is about, it’s not as if he’s got any questionable scars that would bother him, or some eating disorder. He knows that he’s got a pretty decent body, hell, Chanyeol’s even commented on the fact that he’s got an s-line before. He just doesn’t understand it.

Sehun is filled with such disappointment for the rest of the night, finding it nearly impossible to sleep. His stomach churns with everything that happened that afternoon, making him feel impossibly sick. He blames it on the fact that he skipped dinner for the most part, but as the hours roll on Sehun comes to admit that he just feels terrible for scaring Chanyeol. 

It’s three in the morning when Sehun slips out of the house, trying not to make a sound as he opens the front door. It creaks loudly, hinges protesting and he curses it under his breath. 

Chanyeol is a sleepy mess when he opens his door, eyes barely open, hair wild from sleep in some old T-shirt and boxers. Sehun swallows all his anxiety, all his panic and presses his lips to Chanyeol’s in a fumbling kiss. It’s not even that good or anything, too much force. “I need time,” he whispers, wishing it didn’t sound like some horrible cliche. He needs time to figure out them, this--whatever this is. He needs to figure out himself. 

He feels like he can breathe again once he puts a little space between them and looks at Chanyeol’s dopey sleepy smile. His anxiety is still crawling on his back, clawing in his stomach but it’s not as monstrous. 

“You woke me up at three am for that?” Chanyeol asks, but there’s mirth in his voice and Sehun knows he’s just kidding. He’s got this tired smile on his face, so small in comparison to all his other smiles that Sehun is used to seeing. This is something he’s only seen once when Chanyeol was working on something for school late, asking Sehun to keep him company so he can stay up. 

Sehun takes a minute to figure out how to approach this. “Yeah,” he says, forcing a smile on his own face. “I did. Problem?”

“None at all. Unless there’s a pop quiz or something in my morning class and I bomb it. Then you owe me.”

Sehun licks his lips, happy for a limited light in the hall and Chanyeol’s apartment for the other can’t see his blush. “I think I’m okay with that.”

Chanyeol stares at him for a moment before huffing out a tiny laugh and muttering it’s too late for this crap as he pulls Sehun in side. They both agree there’s no point in going home, and for once Sehun is not really worried about what it means that he wants to spend the night at Chanyeol’s, curled up with him as they sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It happens abruptly, stealing the breath from Jongin's lungs because he thought that they were good. Everything seemed fine the other day when they partially walked together. He doesn't understand. To say that Jongin is startled when Sehun finally flips his lid is an understatement. While things have been tense for weeks now, he was expecting Sehun to eventually get over everything that is bothering him and move on. He’s been especially snippy these past few weeks though (Jongin has tried to ignore it), hanging out with Jongin as little as possible. It’s different than before, when Sehun just stopped talking to him, when they non-verbally, but mutually, agreed it was best to not hang around each other for a while. 

This, Jongin thinks, is very different.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Sehun says after Jongin once again, very pointedly, tells him that Chanyeol is no good for him. Sehun had spat back that it was very hypocritical of him since he just told Sehun to do what he thinks is best a few days ago. “Why can’t you just, I don’t know, support me on this? You don’t know him Jongin, you don’t hang out with him, I do.”

And that’s the problem, Jongin thinks. You hang out with him, not with me. He’s not entirely sure why he’s so possessive over Sehun, but there’s just something about him hanging out with Chanyeol and not him that doesn’t sit well. 

“Even if he is just using me for sex what makes you think I’m not doing the same,” he asks. Sehun’s face is red with anger, hands clenched at his sides. “What makes you think that it’s not all just based off sex, maybe that’s all I wanted in the first place from anyone. Clearly,” he says, eyes trained on Jongin’s. “That’s all I wanted from you.”

That statement makes Jongin so angry and he doesn’t even know why, it’s not as if he didn’t do the same thing once upon a time. Use Sehun for the sole purpose of getting off. “Well, you got it from me,” Jongin says and it’s the first time he actually says anything about the incident to Sehun. Before it had always been Sehun bringing it up and Jongin doing whatever he could to avoid talking about it, thinking about it. “Are you going to throw me away now that you have a new toy?”

Sehun scoffs. “Wouldn’t be that difficult.” For a second Jongin sees something on Sehun’s face, disappointment? Sadness? It’s gone before he can even figure it out, back into that mask of anger. “When was the last time you actually wanted to spend time with me? You’d make it kind of easy, if you ask me.”

He laughs humorlessly, the sound horrible even to his own ears. Sehun has very little room to talk. “Because spending all your time with Chanyeol helps.” He can hear the bitter tinge to his tone, and Jongin knows he should stop talking, should shut his fucking mouth because this could end so badly. Sehun hasn't even _done anything_. Jongin knows that he barely hangs out with Chanyeol, only does it when he's hanging out with WuFan or when Jongin has dance classes. He knows it's all on Jongin himself. 

Shut your fucking mouth, he thinks loudly to himself.

But he doesn’t.

“I wouldn't have even started hanging out with him if it wasn't for you. At least he was there for me when I needed him. Or actually paid attention to me," Sehun says. 

Jongin, for a split second, feels like he’s arguing with a jealous girlfriend, and isn't that just hilarious. “Fuck Sehun, I always pay attention to you.”

“No, you really don’t.”

He’s hurt by that statement so much more than he thought he’d be even though he knows it's kind of true. “How could you think that?” Jongin asks, not bothering to disguise how much that got to him. “We’re best fucking friends.” He goes off on all the things he can remember about Sehun, the good qualities, the things that their classmates find intimidating about him that Jongin finds amazing, his witty banter and jokes. There’s a million and three things Jongin could say about Sehun from the short amount of time they’ve been friends and not a single one of them would be bad. 

Once he’s finished talking, Jongin can see that Sehun’s expression hasn’t changed a bit. He still looks angry, impassive maybe. There’s a cold glare on his face. “If you were my best friend you would support whatever the fuck this is with Chanyeol, and not make it some mission to make me feel miserable about it.”

“Like how you do with WuFan?”

Sehun looks like he’s about to cry, about to break something. Jongin idly wonders if it would be his jaw, or his nose. He’d possibly deserve it. “That’s different,” Sehun says. “I’m not trying to get into your sister’s pants, am I?”

“How is it different? You should still be supportive, even if it doesn’t work out, because I’d still be your friend anyway.”

Sehun stares at him for a long time, face completely unreadable. Out of all of Sehun’s blank expressions this one scares Jongin the most because he has no idea what will happen next. “You need to leave,” he says quietly, finally looking away at anything but Jongin. “You really need to leave, like now.” He’s pulling at Jongin’s arm, pushing him to the door and trying to get him outside.

Jongin fights, using his weight against Sehun. While the other might be taller, Jongin’s a little bit more defined, has more weight and muscle to him. “Great,” he says through gritted teeth, “just push me away again because you know I’m right, Sehun. And you’re too proud to admit it.” 

Sehun’s returning glare is absolutely deadly, promising bodily harm if he does not stop right this instant. “Jongin, you need to leave.”

His lack of reason makes Jongin fight harder, refusing to let Sehun push him out. “Just tell me why!” He pulls his arm from Sehun’s grasp, getting a bit of distance between them. There’s something different about how Sehun is acting, Jongin notices. His anger isn't necessarily focused on Jongin anymore, just rolling off him in waves instead. He seems a bit more frayed at the edges, but Jongin can’t pinpoint what it is. 

WuFan comes down from his room then, mouth open probably to ask what’s up but stops when he sees the two of them. “What’s going on?” he asks instead, question pointed more at Jongin than Sehun. 

“Your brother is being a fucking asshole, that’s what,” he replies, putting as much bite in it as possible.

Sehun jerks back into action, trying to push him out again, saying over and over that Jongin _needs to leave_. His voice gets louder and louder each time until he’s practically screaming. Jongin’s never seen him act like this before, and he’s more worried about Sehun than he is for himself when Sehun lunges for him.

WuFan gets a hold of him before anything can happen, grabbing his arms and pinning them to his side. He shoots a pointed look at Jongin, one that makes him feel like the bad guy and not the partial victim. “You should go home,” WuFan says evenly, with no room for argument. Sehun’s shaking in his grasp, breathing loud and ragged. 

Jongin nods stiffly, voice suddenly thick. “Yeah,” he says. “Okay. I just... Sorry.” He watches for a second, confused as WuFan walks Sehun out of the living room and up to another part of the house. 

\--

The next time Jongin sees WuFan it’s far away from the house. They meet up at a cafe after Jongin gets out of school. He looks tired when Jongin sits down across from him, and there’s a permanent line of worry on his forehead. 

They sit for a while, Jongin feeling oddly uncomfortable around WuFan for the first time in months. It isn’t until he starts to talk, explain to Jongin what’s going on that he feels like a total ass. He realizes that he missed a lot of things this summer since WuFan showed up and that Sehun’s, what appeared to be sudden, distance from him was more of a defense mechanism than anything else. It all makes sense now. The way Sehun keeps everyone and their mother at arms length, the way it took so long for the two of them to get past “hey you’re pretty cool” to “you’re my best friend”, what Sehun actually meant by Jongin isn’t paying attention.

Sehun, for all his wit and banter and just nerdy fascinations is terribly insecure. He can kind of get that, now that he puts two an two together. Sehun’s desire to always be covered up, his anti-social tendencies, his random moods. Jongin just thought that was Sehun, his personality. 

“It is, but it isn’t,”WuFan says slowly. His eyes are cast down on the table. “Sehun’s so used to avoiding people that it’s who he is now but that’s only because he just had this--I shouldn’t be telling you this.” He meets Jongin’s eyes, his gaze pleads with him, _please don’t make me have this conversation_. 

Jongin thinks that this is probably twenty times harder for WuFan than it is for Jongin. “Was it worse, than when Sehun exploded on me. Was it worse the first time?”

WuFan laughs, he sounds so sad and Jongin is torn between so many different feelings that he wants to crawl into a hole and die. “That doesn’t even cover it.” A silence falls between them and Jongin can hear the seconds tick away. “Sehun was like, I don’t know, twelve then,” he finally says with a deep breath. “And he still followed me around and everything was perfect and he was happy. But then he started to have these...attacks or something and just closed in on himself.”

There’s an empty straw wrapper on the table between them. WuFan picks it up and fiddles with it for a while, ripping it up. Jongin doesn’t say anything, just lets him collect his thoughts. “Mom thought he was faking for a while because you know how Sehun can whine. They got so bad though and just. For a while Sehun was just empty, I guess. He went through the motions of everything but he didn’t really care? Or maybe he cared too much. I still don’t know how anxiety works, he doesn’t talk to me anymore.”

Jongin licks his lips before he says, “When I asked you if he was ago bac--”

“I pretended not to notice. The idea of Sehun just dealing with all that again was terrible.” He brushes the small pieces of paper into a pile. “I wanted to yell at him. Last time I was here he had stopped taking his meds, said he was okay and while I believed him I didn’t think that was the best idea. Then again, I’m not a psych major.” WuFan flattens his palm over the pile with a scowl on his face. “I feel like all this could’ve been avoided though.”

It probably could have, Jongin thinks, but Sehun is nothing if not stubborn. 

“He was good though, emailed me a few times during the school year. Mentioned a friend named Jongin.” There’s a dumb smile on WuFan’s face now and it makes Jongin feel a bit lighter. “For months I thought he was in love with you, and then when I came back in the beginning of the summer Sehun just looked so happy to be in the same bubble as you. Possessive as fuck, but happy. I think you helped him with his, well, everything.” There’s the unspoken comment of _Until I fucked it up and came home_ hanging between them. 

Jongin doesn’t think it’s WuFan’s fault, because it isn’t. But he guesses that WuFan would have a bit more of an opinion on this than himself since the two are related. 

There’s still a tiny slice of bitterness in Jongin’s chest. Sehun could’ve told me, is on the tip of his tongue, but he guesses that if Sehun had found the chance, he probably wouldn’t have needed to in the first place. He’s angry at Sehun, but he’s more angry at himself for being a dick about it. 

There’s a nagging in the back of his mind telling him to apologize after that, saying that he’s fucked up and now he needs to fix it but it’s hard when Sehun won’t answer any of his texts or his calls. It gets to the point that Jongin sends “I’m sorry” to him more times than he can count.

“He’s not going to talk to you,” WuFan says albeit sadly when he answers the door one afternoon. He looks just as tired as the last they saw each other and Jongin wants to ask if _he is okay_ but he doesn’t because knowing that Sehun will eventually forgive him is so much higher on his list of priorities that Jongin doesn’t understand how WuFan was ever on that list in the first place. “Things are...complicated. He’s not really talking to anyone right now.” There’s so much Jongin hears lurking behind that.

_Not talking to me_ , is one of them. Jongin wonders how close they used to be at one point, if WuFan was ever the person that Sehun told everything to. Ask anything of him. He’s beginning to think that there’s just a tiny bit of a brother complex on WuFan’s end, but he doesn't really know much of anything about _them_ as brothers. 

“Give him some space sounds like a lame movie cliche,” he says, a small smile forming on his face. “But it’ll probably help.” 

Jongin nods, looking down between them. He kind of wants to hug WuFan, one of those big warm comforting ones that he seems like he needs, but he wonders if that would be wrong place wrong time. He keeps the space that’s between them there and bites his lip. “Can you just tell him I’m sorry? He doesn’t have to reply, he just needs to hear it.” Jongin knows he’s pleading, begging basically, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

WuFan stares at him for a moment before letting out a small chuckle. “Sehun knows you're sorry. He just doesn’t know what to do with it yet.”

\--

Jongin is not sulking. He really isn’t.

Unless you count the part where he spends the next two days pouting, not talking to anyone and feeling like the days pass by far too slowly as he stares at his phone any chance he gets. 

So maybe he is sulking. But only a little bit.

He’s so tired of waiting around that Jongin does what he thought he’d never have to do before. Seek out Chanyeol. It proves to be difficult to find him at first, but he all but sighs in relief when he does. Chanyeol looks at him like he’s insane but otherwise doesn’t comment. “Have you spoken or seen Sehun at all recently?”

A strange look passes over Chanyeol’s face and he shakes his head. “No, why? Did he say something?”

He’s taken aback by this for a moment. “No,” he says eventually. 

Chanyeol narrows his eyes at Jongin. "You're his best friend, you know more about what's going on than I do." There's something akin to bitterness in Chanyeol's voice as he says it then bites down on his lip and returns his gaze to what appears to be homework. Jongin wants to feel bad, he really does but he can't have any sympathy for Chanyeol when he feels like it's this Sasquatches’ fault he's losing his best friend. 

"I feel like I might have done something wrong," Chanyeol adds one after a moment, voice tight and thick.

Jongin doesn't know much about Sehun's _not relationship-relationship_ with Chanyeol since it was like some unspoken agreement not to talk about these things, but he wonders why Chanyeol would feel like that. Sehun has nothing but good things to say about Chanyeol, though some are sarcastic. Jongin wonders if the fickle moods he's been dealing with from Sehun, that Chanyeol has been dealing with them, too. 

He bites back the sigh as his face relaxes. "No, no, it's not your fault," Jongin reassures him. He smiles weakly but it feels foreign to have it directed at Chanyeol. "Don't worry." He pats his arm awkwardly and wonders when he became Jongin Support for others when he can't even help himself. Chanyeol looks just as uncomfortable by this as well so he doesn't feel as put off. "I'm sure he'll be fine. He just needs time."

Chanyeol stares up at Jongin for a moment, looking as if he's going to say something more, ask Jongin a question about _something_ and Jongin is pretty sure he knows what that something is and his stomach churns uneasily. "You're a good friend for him," he says finally, reaching up to punch Jongin awkwardly on the arm. He almost laughs at it. Almost. "Even if he doesn't know where that stands anymore."

Jongin hesitates at that, fighting the urge to suck his lip in between his teeth. "I'm...sorry?"

He looks contemplative, licking his lips. "Um, he's worried about losing you to Kris because he loses everything to Kris."

And if that doesn't make perfect sense, Jongin doesn't know what ever will to him anymore. He nods slowly after mulling that over in his head. God, he's so stupid. It's not that Sehun hates WuFan or anything like that, it's just a serious case of brother complex on both their sides and he feels so _stupid_ that he thinks Sehun is better off not being his friend. 

Jongin nods once more, mumbling how it makes sense before waving a small goodbye to Chanyeol. 

You are one dumb fuck, Kim Jongin, he thinks as he walks back home. 

 

\--

 

Speaking to Chanyeol didn’t offer much insight in terms of what he sought him out for, but Jongin feels so much more closer to understanding why Sehun has been acting the way he has than he did before. 

He feels like even more of an ass for talking shit on Chanyeol so much for a number of reasons. He seemed honestly worried about Sehun, and not like to the total douchepacker that Jongin thought he was. He doesn’t think they’ll ever actually be friends, but Jongin thinks that if this gets worked out he should make an effort to know Chanyeol. At least for Sehun’s sake.

While Jongin had never intended for Sehun to feel like he was being ditched for WuFan he can admit that it might have been true on some subconscious level. He, of course, blames himself entirely and his inability to talk to Sehun about The Incident. It’s a dumb excuse, but true all the same. Jongin realizes that they should’ve talked about it, that he should’ve admitted to Sehun that it didn’t actually mean anything, but that he still cares about Sehun so fucking much. 

Sehun is his best friend, random handjob or not. He realizes that he shouldn't have let one sexual act work a wedge between them.

There’s a billion apologies in the back of his throat, more than before but he’s not sure if it’ll help.

Jongin doesn’t deserve Sehun’s forgiveness. 

 

\--

 

There’s a look of surprise on Chanyeol’s face when Sehun knocks on his door, but it soon changes into a bright smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You changed your hair again!” he says, voice amazed as if that’s the only thing that’s happened in the past two weeks of madness. Sehun might love him for a little bit for it, finding it easier to breathe because Chanyeol's willing to ignore the elephant in the room for him until he's ready.

Sehun lifts a conscious hand to his hair, feeling naked with it dark again in combination to the sides shaved. It’s completely unstyled, bangs hanging over his forehead. “Yeah, I did.” He licks his lips subconsciously. “It was Kris’ idea, actually.”

“Cool,” Chanyeol says, still smiling. He looks behind him for a second then wraps a hand around Sehun’s wrist. “Come inside?” 

They’re not facing each other when Chanyeol asks, “Do you want to talk about it?” And Sehun knows what he’s referring to. So maybe he was wrong about Chanyeol waiting, but the warm fingers wrapped around his wrist ground him and he finds himself relaxing even though he's not ready yet. Chanyeol only cares and it's endearing.

He opts for not answering, pushing Chanyeol on the couch instead, practically climbing in his lap, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and hugging tightly. Sehun doesn’t even know what to say, where to begin. He mumbles into the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. “Anxiety meds,” he says without anything else.

Chanyeol doesn’t ask anything more, and Sehun is grateful to not have any pressure on him to talk about it, about himself, about how most days he has a crippling fear of everything but copes with it. About how a few months ago, back before school ended and he felt well enough to stop taking his meds. About how Jongin doesn’t even know this stuff because he’s always so afraid of people finding out because they’ll pity him.

He says all these things at random points. Just tiny little facts, some about his problems in his head, some about what happened with Jongin. Chanyeol has Netflix playing on the TV, random movies that they’re both probably paying very little attention to. 

Somewhere during the second one, Sehun dozes off just a bit, eyes feeling heavy as he blinks. He figures it’s okay, Chanyeol’s warm and solid under him, arms wrapped around his waist. 

He wakes up sometime later, the room dark, Chanyeol asleep under him but still holding on tightly. Sehun figures that Chanyeol was just as worried about him as WuFan and Jongin were. For a while now, he’s come to the conclusion that this wasn’t just about sex, and that Chanyeol actually gives a shit about him. It makes his chest swell and his pulse race. There's an undeniable desire to run away building up in his stomach. Panic settling in his veins for a moment and Sehun has to breath deeply. In through his nose, out through his mouth, just like the doctor keeps telling him to do.

He stares into the dark room as he does so, willing his body, his brain, to relax. Chanyeol is safe, he tells himself, and only cares. It doesn't really help, but it doesn't make it worse, so Sehun considers it a win. 

His breathing must wake Chanyeol because the body under him goes from completely lax to slightly ridged. A soft sound comes from Chanyeol's throat that sounds like a hum as his hand that was still on his back, fingers wrapped around his hip, starts to rub soothing circles into his back. "E'rything okay?" he mumbles, pressing his face into Sehun's hair.

Sehun swallows thickly. "I'm...not sure," he says. Chanyeol's hand doesn't stop moving, but he can feel him wake up a bit more, the soft lines of his sleep filled body stiffening. "But I'll work it out," Sehun tacks on. He lifts his head from Chanyeol's body to look at him in the dark room, squinting just a bit to see his eyes. "You'll help, of course."

"Seeing as you're sucking my life force out of me I don't have much of a choice." Chanyeol smiles, showing off his teeth.

He doesn't smile back, but he can't deny how _happy_ this makes him. "Exactly," Sehun says and puts his head back on Chanyeol's shoulder, wiggling his body just a bit to get comfortable once more. 

\--

For a few days Sehun spends most of his time either in his room or with Chanyeol. One would think that after spending so much time _just_ in his room, Sehun would be tired of looking at the same four walls, but he isn't. His room is his safe place and while his anxiety is mellowing out again he still finds it hard to do things for fear of fucking them up royally. He supposes that this is something he'll probably never get over but at least he can try just a bit. 

Chanyeol is very supportive of this, and Sehun can't decide if he wants to kiss him or never speak to him again because it feels like too much from someone he's only know for a few months. 

Jongin doesn't come by the house everyday anymore. He thinks that has something to do with WuFan, but neither will bring it up in the end so he's not positive. Sehun does know, though, that Jongin is hanging out with WuFan again, thought it's much less than before. Every time WuFan leaves the house to meet up with him, Sehun tells him to say hi to Jongin. He would do it himself, but sometimes speaking to Chanyeol alone is too much to handle so he doesn't try to make the effort, hoping that Jongin will understand.

It takes Sehun less time than he thought it would to work up the courage to go back to school, and to talk to Jongin. It's longer than he desired but still much less than anticipated. Stepping back into the large building with hundreds of his peers that are most likely whispering things about how "that freaky anti-social kid who's friends with Jongin came back" when they all probably thought he dropped out or something. It's obvious that his one day of good popularity is over. While Sehun is happy about that, he's not exactly pleased about the side-eyes and whispers.

There’s a look of near horror on Jongin’s face when he approaches, looking ready to either bolt in the other direction or cry at Sehun’s feet. He almost wants to laugh, but it’s hard to dig up any other emotion when his anxiety is still going strong, battling in the pit of his stomach. It helps that Jongin does neither though.

Breathe in, breathe out. He can totally do this. Jongin _is still_ his best friend. Probably.

“We’re good, just so you know,” he says awkwardly. It feels like they’re starting from square one all over again. Sehun feels like he’s taken back in time to to the first time they had spoken, Sehun completely captivated by Jongin’s dancing. He hadn’t known how to approach Jongin properly then, and he doesn’t know how to now. 

He tells Jongin about his anxiety, and how it’s why he seemed a little skittish lately. “I’m used to it now, my attacks used to be much worse,” he says when Jongin gets this look over his face, one that sort of pleads _why didn’t you tell me?_ Sehun wanted to tell him, maybe, but it was never the right time, and he didn’t think it was a problem until it was too late. 

Jongin seems to take this all better than Sehun thought he would, apologizing (again, and again) and telling Sehun, “I’m here for, like, anything. If you need me.” And that makes Sehun feel better, helps the anxiety relax just a bit because that was what he was most afraid of. He thinks that while maybe they do need to learn to communicate better, maybe they aren't so bad at knowing each other after all. 

However, Jongin doesn’t stop apologizing, no matter what, and he acts very skittish around Sehun until finally it becomes too much. “I will stuff a wad of paper in your mouth if you say sorry one more fucking time,” he warns just as Jongin opens his mouth.

They stare at each other before Jongin breaks out into a grin which makes Sehun just roll his eyes. Honestly, his best friend is a brat. 

 

\--

 

There’s this thing called time management, Chanyeol explains on their second (third) meeting. It’s their first official meeting with introductions though. 

Jongin wants to say he knows what fucking time management is, but Sehun is giving him a pointed look from next to Chanyeol so he doesn't. He does, however, glare at Chanyeol's stupid grin. 

So there’s Sehun time and there’s WuFan time. And then, because Sehun’s a little shit, there’s “Get to know Chanyeol time” who he is loathe to admit is actually kind of cool. Chanyeol’s not the complete and total college dick that Jongin thought he was. If he’s being honest (which he isn’t), Chanyeol is kind of perfect for Sehun. They’ve both got this weird, if not a bit dark, sense of humor and it takes all of two minutes for Jongin to realize that he’s as big of a nerd as Sehun.

A few months ago this would've made Jongin's stomach clench up unpleasantly and want to keep Sehun all to himself, but he realizes now that he can't do that. He's sort of okay with it. When Sehun goes in full on nerd mode, Jongin is kind of grateful for Chanyeol because Jongin isn't really into all that stuff, but he does marathon things with Sehun so at least when he goes off the deep end, Jongin knows _exactly_ what Sehun is talking about.

In return Sehun watches the really dumb anime that Jongin can't get enough of. (He's a bit more verbal about hows much he hates it though). And when the four of them magically end up in the same space at once, WuFan takes the side of Sehun, calling Jongin a child (though it's very fondly, which makes Jongin's cheeks burn hot) while Chanyeol totally sides with Jongin. 

He’s kind of cool, in a dorky way. Jongin just doesn’t say that out loud.

\--

It’s kind of nice, having just Sehun time. They do everything they used to but now Jongin makes an effort to not once mention WuFan, or even look in his direction if they end up in the same room. WuFan respects that and ignores him for the most part as well. The only problem is, Jongin can’t keep some of the longing looks off his face.

“Have you even asked him out yet?” Sehun asks with a snort.

Jongin snaps out of his daze. “What?”

“Kris, have you asked him out?”

Biting his lip Jongin searches the screen for his character. “No.”

Sehun pauses the game and turns to look at him incredulously. “What the hell are you waiting for? Haven’t you been working on him for months now?”

“But _college boy_ ,” he whines, leaning all his weight on Sehun. This is another thing they do now. All concept of personal space is gone to the point where anyone who doesn’t actually know them asks, “Are you dating?” Before it was embarrassing, but now Jongin finds it hilarious, especially since they find new ways to press the rules of PDA. 

Sehun shoves him off. “You’re pathetic and so is your boner. Please, do something about it.”

“But it’s so much more difficult than I thought it would be.”

“It really isn’t.”

“No,” Jongin says seriously. “It really is.”

Sehun rolls his eyes dramatically, shaking his bangs out of his face. He looks like your typical emo kid when he does that, minus the eyeliner and various face piercings. Maybe Jongin will take him out to get his lip pierced once they graduate. “No, it’s not. He knows you have a massive boner for him, so take said massive boner and ask him to help you with it. Very simple.”

He groans loudly, flopping back on the couch. “I liked you better when you were off your meds,” he deadpans. Sehun only glares. “He’s so cool, what if he’s not impressed.”

“Jongin, I think your definition of cool is extremely warped.” He fiddles with the game controller cord, nearly pulling it out of the system and causing a mess. “He’s not as cool as you think.”

The conversation falls after that, and eventually they get back to their game. It isn't until weeks later that Jongin gets ambushed once more. 

There’s a weird sound outside of WuFan’s room when they’re hanging out that catches both of their attentions. WuFan looks up from his iPod (that Jongin has helpfully added new music to because he can only take so much filthy rap) and his eyes fall on the bedroom door.

“Sehun?” he calls out but there’s no answer. WuFan tries again but that’s when Jongin gets a text from Sehun saying he’s going to hang out with Chanyeol. _Have fun with Kris ;)_

“That little shit,” Jongin says, unable to suppress his laugh because it would figure Sehun would do this. “He locked us in.”

 

\--

 

“God dammit, Jongin!” Sehun yells when he returns from Chanyeol’s deciding it would be in everyone’s best interest if he let Jongin and WuFan out of the room now. “When I said ‘ask him to help with your boner’ this is not what I meant.” He slams the door shut behind him and storms back downstairs. 

"I think I need to bleach my eyes," he says when he calls Chanyeol.

His laugh sounds deeper over the line, and if he wasn't mentally scarred, Sehun would find it kind of sexy. "Why?"

He groans. "I just walked in on Kris giving Jongin a blowjob."

There's a cackle from Chanyeol than nearly blows out his eardrum.

"Yeah, laugh it up Park, you didn't have to see it!" 

"I don't envy you," Chanyeol says between laughs. "But Zitao now owes me twenty bucks."

Incredulously Sehun says, "You bet on those two idiots and you didn't involve me?"

"In my defense, I didn't think you'd want to, you know, think about that."

Sehun scoffs, searching through the kitchen cabinets for a snack. "Heathens, all of you."

"You love me," Chanyeol says, that amused tone still apparent in his voice, but there's a nervous undertone that has Sehun's stomach clenching. 

He swallows thickly and licks his lips. "I don't know." His voice sounds steadier than he feels. "I'll have to think about that one."

Chanyeol hisses. "Ow, and after that nice date I just took you on, too. That's cold."

"There is a reason why Jongin's nickname for me was _Ice Princess_ before we met." And that just sends Chanyeol on another fit of laughter. The corner of Sehun's mouth tips up, betraying him. He's thankful he's alone in the kitchen, positive he'd never live this down. "Keep laughing, Park. I do know where you live."

"You've taken most of my life force anyway," Chanyeol says dismissively. "I don't have much more you can take from me."

"Sure as hell not your virginity."

"No," he sounds like he's leering now and Sehun just shakes his head. "But I can take yours."

"Oh god," Sehun groans. "I'm scared once again."

**Author's Note:**

> *Another prompter for this fic was due to a music prompt challenge thing I decided to join  
> Prompt: _♪ 音楽 (Ongaku)_  
>  君の手を取る為に　闇雲にただ愛を信じて  
> kimi no te wo toru tame ni　yamikumo ni tada ai wo shinjite  
> To hold your hand　I just believe blindly in love  
> *Thank you to all the lovely ladies that helped make this fic possible  
> *Inspiration for this fic and other random crap is in [this tag](http://doremifasorashige.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20saga%20of%20pathetic%20losers)


End file.
